im drinking this country out of the recession.
I just told this girl who bought a pregnancy test "good luck"
Definitely just saw a grown man at wal mart wearing high heels and carrying a baby
What the fuck were you doing at wal mart?
He's coming back with me for the week. It took me saying "I don't wanna drive myself home... I'm better as a passenger giving road head" for him to jump at it. Rack another one up for my magical openings.
we are still finding bottels filled with his pee. tom almost drank the one in the frig
nothing worse than walking out of class after 3 hours and having covered exactly zero information
walking out with herpes. that would be worse
scratch that I can tell you where she is shes drunk on a beach somewhere being a penis slayer
At least one of us had a weekend full of money and dick
Holy. Fuck. This mans mouth is magical. I love married men. I don't have to teach them.
I'm going through what feels like a break up with beer. I'm emotionally distraught from it's lack of presence.
I didn't even know his name until he texted me the next day and told me I should take a plan B pill. Thanks Danny.
I was pretty pissed in the morning when I realized he had fucked the fake tattoo right off my chest.
I have to have boobs, you have the charm and wholesomeness that gets boyfriends... And i have boobs
I couldn’t resist. He had a camouflage condom. You know I love a man in a uniform
Is she talking about a testicle cuff or just a cock ring? How did you meet this girl?
Is there a big difference?
It’s about the same as the difference between a night of drunken sex with a stripper at the Bellagio and being robbed and left for dead by a crystal meth tweaker
Randomize
