bras are like tupperware for tits, keeps em fresh.
Turns out shot glasses hold the perfect serving of sour patch kids....I still fail to see how not having any real glasses is an issue
No, i know about the eggs and penis, the oh wow was for the fire
You have no idea how much I'm praying for my moms side of the family's infertility right now
Dude, I fucked her last night with nothing but my bandana on. Like straight Indian chief style.
She said she couldn't sleep with a guy who had blood stains on his ceiling. I tried to explain it wasn't my blood, but she still left :(
there's no excuse to just assume your pants won't be coming off for some reason or another. that's just irresponsible
she tried to deny peeing on the floor last night. she said she wouldn't make it to the bathroom only to pee on the floor
oh but she would
"Bring the kids" is the most terrifying 3 words I've ever heard in my life.
OK. i'm going to add "riddle me this, brodawg" to the list of things i'm never gonna say to my boss again while i'm high.
You shut your whore mouth, we don't talk about Drunk Nutella night.
It's pizza for people who hate themselves. I rang the place up once i'd finished and told them if i was on death row it would be my last meal because by the time i'd got half way through it I would be begging to die.
But then I ordered two more because it was 2-4-1 and my life is a mess
He said he doesnt believe in the female orgasm,so no I did not have sex with him.
So he cheated on his gf again. For the third time. Second time with me. HE CRIED WHILE DRIVING ME HOME BECAUSE HE CHEATED ON HER. And I laughed the entire way. Good god I'm an asshole.
I'm ne vrr drinkjng againnnnnnnn dforeal.
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