Just got a citation from campus security for an "accordion disturbance."
so i definitely just saw 2 cops high five each other as they were arresting underage drinkers in 5 points.
He said he's gonna start calling me "Benny" because we're "friends with bennyfits"
Just gave advice in krystal burger while holding and pointing with a corona to a 3 year old, told her to enjoy her stroller time while it lasts. The mom pushed her away fast.
throwing condoms aimed at his crotch probably isn't the politest way to ask for sex
You should know I just got pulled aside by TSA because they found a bottle of Bud Light in my backpack... Thanks for that...
She wasnt impressed wen i brought a guy for her back with me, a 3am impromptu sperm donor is not a gd birthday present. Im a bad gf.
He's dressed as a power ranger handing out cocaine
Dave used his AAA card to get my car towed to my house so I could get drunk. Evil genius.
Here's how he asked the pregnant girl for a cigarette. Hey yo prego throw me a square. Not joking.
im just going to make a prayer circle of top ramen packets and cheap beer
Remember when we used to smoke out of an apple at the playground? Those were some precious moments
I had sex in the tube at that same playground once. That park is full of memories.
A million fucking miles away, and the sun still manages to fuck my hungover mornings up.
i think if a sober person was watching us they would have not thought we were witty
Ran into my FWB on my walk of shame and went back to her place. Even my walk of shames are awesome!!!
Randomize