What do I have to do to get you laid? I talked to that girl with the ugly dog for 45 minutes trying to get you in, and all you said was "Steven Spielberg is my favorite director."
the beer staff turned into a beer spear way to quickly
Petty good. I just stapled a 5 dollar bill onto the chest of a sword swallower.
I'm hiding in a cabinet. I'm going to stay here.
I put chex mix in your purse for when you get hungry while doing your walk of shame tomorrow!
I am incapable of maintaining a guy's interest in me. It's like erectile dysfunction but with feelings
You christened everyone with a powdered doughnut and then tried to absorb vodka with your nipple.
I took your mattress from your bed. Don't ask questions. Love you. See ya later.
We were getting fries and you hopped the counter and yelled "WELCOME TO GOOD BURGER HOME OF THE GOOD BURGER" and threw up
She has that type of face she reminds me of that weird girl from napoleon dynamite only taller and with hoop earrings.
idk how I feel so profoundly understood by someone whose latest tweet is "labia majora's mask." but I do.
I am the murdurer of this scooby doo episode
I just ate your leftovers whilst watching Garfield and Friends. Thank you across the board.
I don't actually like you. I just want to hook up with you.
I'm fine with that
It goes to show, Sane person, daddy doms, little girls, all of us may seem different but deep inside we all grow wisdom teeth
Randomize
