He's telling me stories about how he made out with a 14 yr old when he was 22. I'm going home.
this is ridiculous... i look like a white version of MC Hammer...
My mom is making me buy a single zucchini, I look like someone who can't afford a dildo
I think misery doesn't even think of me as company anymore. I'm an unofficial roommate.
recycled a plan b box. kill a baby. save a tree.
They ran out of vodka so we started doing Body Doritos.
I owe her a pancake or a second hand orgasm
If you don't remember anything tomorrow, this is to remind you that you asked me in secret to build a bobsled with you and re-enact Cool Runnings.
I can't wait. Forget the royal wedding. This is the most anticipated hookup of 2011.
This was my thought process as I drunkenly ran home: Whoa! I'm going so FAST! Why don't I run EVERYWHERE! ALL THE TIME! Then I peed in a bush and passed out on the ground.
So basically you were a dog.
I really wanted to pound but her roomate was making mac n cheese n shit so I was trying to time her moans to the drone of the microwave
I get a little bitchy. We all know that
I told him he could fuck me in his Notre Dame jersey if they won and he never texted back. What is this world coming to
Once he bit me I drew the fucking line.
Sorry I told all the other bridesmaids you were an asshole. I had had a few drinks and it's how I felt at the time.
Randomize
