Im broke. I spend all my money on weed cigarettes alcohol and food. In that order. I cant even cut one of those because you know it'd be food. I already stopped getting my nails done just so i could support my bad habits.
When I asked if she spit or swallow she replied "I never learned how to spit"
Red Bull/Vodka? You bet I'm showing everyone my penis tonight.
don't leave me alone with all the disney princess sluts
he's downstairs watching tv with my family... I called the home line so my mom could bring me my make up bag cause my real face would prob make him delete my number
just convinced someone I was a virgin. I love when people don't know me.
Worst luck of my entire life. Came in my own mouth
Life Epiphany- I need to have children so I can be the drunk grandma at family functions. Its my destiny.
I woke up naked under desk at her apt once during my freshman year. I should have known that friendship was of a different breed...
Henceforth: booty calls will now be referred to as "deliveries of anatomy". That is all.
I just want to give face wipes a shout out for being there when im too tired or high to wash my face at night
The other day, he sent me a snapchat of his dick in the forest. He captioned it "nature nudes."
You used his ass cheeks to demonstrate how to play the bongos and he still called you the next day. That's true love.
Excuse me I just made a hot pocket without burning down the house, I think i can do anything.
About that photo of the cake you just sent. You do realize it’s on a glass table, right? We can all see your reflection in it, and you’re very obviously naked.
Randomize
