i used the pictures of vaginas in your biology book to jack off.
you were holding her hair as she threw up saying "I'm going to be a great doctor" repeatedly.
i'd date him for the sole reason that he thanks me after giving him head
How do u explain cocaine to a 9 year old?
Sex and the city 2 and twilight getting released in the same month. God hates mankind.
no you're not allowed back
come on. everbeers was a great idea. you fucks had a great night
You know it's a good party when even the dealers were too fucked up. Just found and counted 140 E pills I found in a bag in the couch. Just paid for weed this month.
I just wrote "where Jason is" on the screen. He guessed "hospital" correctly.
James this is colleen. This is my new number. You just texted my grandma about getting cockblocked. Congratulations.
I think the guy I was trying to dance with was an undercover cop...
And we're now at 8 people from the office coming to my desk to ask me "do you feel better?".
I've taken a shot every five minutes for the past twenty. His valentines cupcakes are going to be a fucking delicious vodka induced mess. Thinking about putting vodka in this next batch. I'm the best girlfriend.
Drugs are gluten free tho, right?
I'm in the woods tripping balls the water is rising why don't you answer me
You were drunkenly dancing with a statue you affectionately referred to as "The Captain." I wasn't going to deny your happiness.
Randomize
