so my mom told me to suck on something if I have to cough. so I guess blow jobs are ok
fyi, if youre wondering if offering a female police officer sexual favors will get you out of a ticket, the answer is no.
I'm actually pretty neutral about a lot of things. I'm like Switzerland with a penis.
she always made me post sex PB&Js it was like fucking a trashier Martha Stewart
You weren't a difficult drunk to take care of. I just had to stop you from plunging the toilet once or twice.
she looks like she scalped a horse for her weave
I made out with Jen. We were naked. I'm still gay. Forever
I'm at about main and main street
Night is still young. Puking guts out part of it just began
Ugh. I guess I'm crying loudly or something. My mom just came in and gave me milk, chocolate, a Xanax, and her weed "for the break up blues". Her ways of affection are so odd.
Pro: Drunk Portland Strip Club. Con: Monday morning hangover at work. Pro: boobs. Con: Sleep deprivation. The Pro's are winning.
I would agree. Add some coffee to the booze. It will cut down on sleep deprivation.
You said you brought chipotle into a movie and I asked you to marry me and you said yes
when my phone is in portrait view you can just assume i've been watching porn. that's the only thing i want to see in full view.
he had hair everywhere except his balls
Thanks for being my best friend so I can use you as an alibi to my family while I'm out getting some dick in my face.
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