I'm pouring my heart out in these texts and you're going around showing everyone???
Do you know how easy it would be to shoplift if I was a magician?!
And then he told me he had the vodka, but he was still in line at WIC for the juice.
going to the gym drunk. fuck whoever made basketball season and getting a spring break ready body in the same season.
there were at least 5 of us standing around the bathroom stall cheering you on to throw up.
I'm pretty sure getting a blow job behind a bar in Rome while her little sister is throwing up in a dumpster not 5 feet away, gives entirely new meaning to the phrase "When in Rome"
I puked in the urinal of a bar tonight. Not embarrassed cause I got away with it, legitimately upset you weren't there to make fun of me.
I an in a belgian bar and i cant understand shit. Trying to talk to strangers. Getting drunk until we all speak the same language. Brace for updates.
What kind of scumbag goes to a baby's 1st birthday party with a black eye? This kind. Me. I'm disgraceful.
not even kidding I just received the single most greatest head I have ever had.. It was unreal. It was like stick my dick into a silk bag of puppy ears.
YOUR VAGINA IS SO CUTE IT'S LIKE A LITTLE MACAROON
my drug dealer is also my eyebrow lady. Two birds, one stone.
Be there in 20. Want icecream?
sex. I want sex. I like where your heads at though.
So congratulations, your penis has now sent me to urgent care not once, but twice!
That wasn't even sex. That was a fuckoning
...did you just create a word for what we did?
Randomize
