i dont care that its taken 20 hrs to pee without hurting, BEST HATE SEX EVER.
Ya! She had a north face on tho so she was a classy hooker.
just found preset five on the shower head...pretty sure my pussy just had a panic attack
He's like a perfect storm of amazing hair and horrible judgment.
Convinced the domino's pizza delivery person to go to shaws and buy me a bottle of wild turkey. For america.
I want to break his glasses with my pelvis.
I just made a cocktail. Had one shot of vodka left. It looked lonely so I decided to reunite it with its vodka friends in my bloodstream.
Starting the day at 1:44 in the afternoon. With a hot pocket and a mixer. Who knew my life had this kind of possibility.
we came into the house to find you doing shots by your self and when we told you to stop you locked yourself in the bathroom...
did I at least say anything...
you meowed at us and said you're a cat and cats drink for a living
when I die covered in cocaine, hookers, and tequila at 73 years old just remember that I once had a tweet with that many retweets
he woke me up with all the stuff I had at his house in boxes i had to unwrap my own belongings and he said. Happy v-day its time to see ya day! Worst day ever
WHAT HAS MY LIFE COME TO I'M MAKING A SCARF FOR A PENIS
I was going to try being motivated today. But then I took a hit while still in bed.
I hit an all time low we ran out of coke and I met up with my dealer at 8 in the morning for a re-up. great customer service though.
i’n just gonna forge ahead, gag reflex be DAMNED.
Gameplan: If the cops show up, find a potted plant to hide behind... It's worked before!
Randomize
