Now hope fervently that she'll do it quick and cheap, just the way i like it
I just bought the big bottle of Patron. It looks small. What have I done with my life?
Succeeded.
He never called back after I emailed him my booty call contract.
i just won a 100 dollar gift card to walmart in a karaoke contest...i love kentucky
i would never do something against you youre the best i ever had
please tell me you did not just intentionally quote drake..
I'm trying to convey to the smoking hot Spanish cleaning lady at work that I want to bone her but I think it's getting lost in translation. How do you say "blowjob" in Spanish?
The chlamydia really affected his face.
bring the dog... nobody goes to jail with a dog.
Sounds like it could have been the night you pulled out your love stump at the strip club.
And then he said "if you were planning on bird feeding me that's not ok"
I've never been more scared for my virginity in my life. And I lost my virginity almost 6 years ago.
Riding the train home at 6 am for class still drunk is losing its novelty in my junior year
Yeah I'm just gonna shower and drink a gallon of coffee and drunkenly write my research paper. It'll be fine
So if your sore it's because you tried to tackle a tree last night. When I told you at the party, you said "What do you expect, I'm an athlete!"
I was trying not to blow up your phone, but I'm so horny I think I might die
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