I'm already going to be stripping so like pretty much you would just be watching me. Also we're watching twilight. again.
dude wtf did we explode in my microwave last night?
idk but i think it had a face
Last night, you attempted to motor boat my vagina then proceeded to blow raspberries on it. Don't ever do that again.
Only in this snowstorm did have I realized the lengths I'll go to to get laid.
Had to crawl to the kitchen this morning cuz I was too hung over but really wanted fruity pebbles. yes. I ate fruity pebbles on the kitchen floor.
how the hell did this chicken wing end up in my cast?!
the only way I will be happy is if my gallon spiderman bucket is full of either popcorn, nutella and peanut butter, or fried rice. CHOOSE WISELY.
The president of the frat said he was honored to award me "Best Overall Blow Jobs", free admission to all their future parties, and a $20 gift certificate to Denny's. I'm not sure if I feel proud or if that's just the burrito coming back up...
Also, what are the symptoms of syphilis?
Also, am I the only one who noticed he didn't fuck you until after you were technically a cripple? Or am I reading into this too much? Congrats on that btw
Getting my nails done with Diana... I'm going for the keep your friends close and the girl who's dating the guy you want to fuck closer
dude I just found tht weird ass guy u invited last night passed out in my closet.... apparently he "couldn't find the exit"
For not really liking Christmas, I have an astounding amount of holiday-themed lingerie
Today, my weed came in a pokéball. I officially love my dealer.
Alcohol won't break your heart. I mean, unless it's all gone maybe
Please come to class. I miss you and I have a horse mask
Randomize
