The men handing out bibles on the quad are blatantly skipping me... am i that obvious
I don't even remember his name...i'm just gonna save it as birthday sex
My vagina makes bad decisions like its her job
haha I love it when I find out that girls who were mean to me in middle school are now some random dude's baby mama. thanks, facebook.
How do I tell my mom that she just went to the gym with my water bottle filled with vodka...
I have 11 glasses of water and one beer on the table infront of me. Have to keep going to different bartends to get more. There are only two though and I think they've caught on
A very small part of me wants you to appreciate me for more than just my breasts. But the rest of me is breasts.
she was drinking until 3, woke up at 7, shouted 'I'M STILL DRUNK" and went out for a jog in her thong
It's all coming back to me. I drank moonshine from a milk carton from a guy named tomohawk last night.
the mexican frat downstairs started singing this mariachi song, then out of nowhere some dude busts out a trumpet and plays along. is this even real?
Nearly got hit by a blue bell ice cream truck. Can I count on you to make plenty of puns like "her life was sweet, and so was her death" at my funeral if that was to happen?
I'm going to pretend you don't watch My Little Pony and focus on your large cock. Kay? Don't bring it up again.
My life has evolved from screwing randos, ok?
He said he didn't want to go down on me so I told him we were going to have an oral stalemate.
Long story short I shit on a sidewalk while walking with multiple people. Then sprinted around the streets of Tallahassee in only gym shorts as I tore my toga off and wore it as a cape.
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