i feel like a thai whore the morning after the navy left.
there is a school bus full of santas parked in front of the liquor store
I think you missed the wrong class. Im pretty sure we were taught how to buy cocaine.
He literally said to me "go ahead and answer that text message while I eat you out"... Maybe I AM the relationship type...
How unacceptable would it be to bar hop with a funnel in the square? It's Halloweekend and I plan on going hard. I can claim it goes w/ my costume. But I don't think the MIMITW uses funnels.
I wasn't going to take him home until I heard "hung like a water buffalo" then curiosity got the best of me.
This juggling 3 dicks is getting exhausting
How was the birthday sex?
Shit got outta hand. Honestly I think even my STDs have STDs.
If you're mature enough to fuck him you're mature enough to tell him you don't want a relationship come on
My parents are paying for my knee surgery for my birthday. What costume will look good on crutches for my Halloween Birthday?
Welcome to adulthood.
The fake number she gave me was for Pappa John's. Now I have a large pepperoni on the way.
I'm ordering dildos in a santa hat. You?
I offered the opportunity to grope my boobs for pints. Two girls took me up.
HOW CAN YOU EXPECT ME TO KEEP YOUR SECRETS IF YOU KEEP ON TELLING ME THEM.
I made him leave to get me chicken nuggets so I could have sex with his roommate
Randomize
