my girlfriend just informed me I need to get tested and so do you
girlfriend?
the best job he will get is a sex ed teacher in alabama
Just once id like to sleep with a man who i havent thrown up on
She stole my hamster. idk who she was, she just walked in and said she knew Keith so she stayed, drank 6 beers, and then stole Charles.
I am VERY upset that you called my fiesta a waste of time.
I can't wait to go to grad school so I am not your high unemployed friend.
I have a scary feeling my mom might switch her goals from finding me a husband in 2012 to sending me to rehab
I just smoked a bowl with the lady who runs the special olympics. Your move.
Her husband thinks she's banging me and nothing is going to change his mind so I told her we might as well just bang and make him right
I forgot my backup drink is supposed to be pedialyte and vodka. Add in the shit I'm losing as I drink. Win-Win right?
what do we think the timeline is for when your liver will begin to revolt against your drinking habits?
He started yelling terms of endearment at a cheese sandwich. Then he tried to hump it.
Broken leg sex is fun because I just get to lay there
You put a bag of sliced onions in the microwave then screamed, "voila, onion rings!"
He stumbled out of their hotel room and yelled, "I'M ON A STATEWIDE TOUR. I'VE BEEN IN KENTUCKY AND OKLAHOMA."
Randomize
