And then falling down drunk the next morning, concussing yourself and splitting your head open?
That was pretty sad, but you more than made up for it by using "concussing" in a sentence
You were face down, at your computer, surrounded by beer bottles listening a bagpipes version of amazing grace.
Dear drunk me, don't shave my balls til you're sober. My junk looks like a pomeranian with mange.
she just pulled a hulk hogan to make her point. no idea how it helped
the bar just sent me a facebook message congratulating me on being a regular and getting such good grades. my life is not real.
He managed to tell me he was blind in one eye and convince me to have sex with him in the same conversation. It's love.
Fuck my life, there's a fry in my vagina.
The waitress asked if you wanted white or brown, and you said "Isn't it all the same color when it's toasted?". She stared at you for about 20 seconds before she decided that you weren't fucking with her.
I told her shower beers are even better when you have someone in there with you and she said she's been looking for a new drinking buddy. It's a goooooo
I dont have to work tomorrow im yelling gibberish at squirrels
Can you come get me? I woke up in the woods behind the Super 8. I have pizza.
I appreciate the fact that you sent me a snapchat of your dick soaking in a cup of water.
I hate being on my period . Did you know that by the time I'm 30 I would've wasted 1,176 days of my life I could've had sex but couldn't bc I was on my period.
I fuckin love you!
I would reciprocate the feeling if i knew who this was.
Just got your voicemail. The 3am call wasn't a drunk dial, it was an I left my phone in my pocket then has wild animalistic sex dial...
I hate you.
You LOVE me.
Randomize