We'll make it into fun. If I can make wii bowling into a drinking game, I can make studying spanish into a sex game.
what has two thumbs and is going to bang you boss on monday?
sometimes i wish i was a boob, they get to chill in soft and cuddly little cup things.
It's called 'beer pong' not 'everclear and coke pong' for a reason...
i didn't realize we were even dating until i ran out of weed
"I gave a guy a handjob last night, on a dog bed, inside a fireplace. It's going to be a good year."
I just used "et al" in a sext. I thought you'd be proud
It'll be a romanticized airport meeting until I'm judged for sitting on his face in the terminal
Hit on in the middle of a Wal-Mart McDonald's by a really awkward nerd. There is not enough nope in the world.
I just connected with one of your drug dealers on LinkedIn.
I woke up with a dick pic from the ex-Mormon via email. Not really what I wanted to see before my first cup of coffee this morning, but I gotta say, I'm impressed.
I feel like I have a very capable uterus.
Ask me if I'm sitting naked in a lawn chair eating a block of cheese waiting for a bacon grilled cheese sandwich
My tinder date had to be home by 8:30 cause she's on house arrest.
I FOUND A VIBRATOR IN MY BABY BROTHERS ROOM. IM FREAKIN OUT MAN ITS BIGGER THEN MINE
put it back and chill out ok
NO FUCK HES 15 WHO EVEN SOLD HIM THAT HES A BABY
Randomize
