I'm in a room alone pouting because I got the wrong nachos at taco bell.
Be careful down there, Shane may have pooped on the carpet.
i just ate two sandwiches and am debating booty calling my landlord
I'm getting very mixed reviews. One friend told me to stop drinking bc the last 3 times he's heard from me I've either peed my pants, been throwing up, or people have been having sex beside me.
Strangely enough I'm encouraging you to keep drinking for all the same reasons.
My corndog is like a popsicle of bread. A WHOLE. POPSICLE. OF BREAD.
well.. I tried flushing my sandals down the toilet
I may puke in class so I'm excited to see how that goes
She said we "made love." I had to explain to her that when both parties agree that the first time time they have sex both people agree to video tape the whole thing its not "making love" but more like random good time fun sex.
Hamster emergency. Can u come in here
I need to be drunk within 15 minutes of getting home tonight.
had a dream you helped me fill my shoes with yogurt. we were even like "why didn't we think of this before?!" like it was just so obvious
that sounds like something we'd do... we're onto something here
So I sent him a snap of me half naked holding a pie last night.
It's days like today that make me happy I'm not a porn star.
Apparently walking into a national conference and proclaiming "i'm here to fuck shit up" is frowned upon.
Who knew?
I'm sorry about the fire. I was too fucked up to do science, apparently.
Randomize
