i left the bar a little after you and ended up flipping my car in the arbys drive thru
naighbors jacking off again. i swear its his friday night ritual, its like he knows the night wont be ending in his favor
Just did the walk of shame across state lines...milestone?
I told him I would sleep with him if he could name all the colors of the wind.
i had to write a bad check to buy franzia last weekend. i have my priorities in line.
The bartender gave me a roll of masking tape so I could tape my heels to my feet so I wouldn't lose them when i went drunk running later that night
If you're not washing nut sweat off of your forehead this morning I'm disappointed in you
Disasters an understatement. Hurricane alpha chi omega hit. On my way to buy carpet cleaner, super glue, and a new liver. Be back soon.
So the stripper who poured a beer on my head also gives great head. Even she doesn't know why she went home with me. No more mystery shot challenges.
We're not on Beacon Street anymore so now your argument about not peeing on the sidewalk holds no water. Whereas my bladder has holded every water.
this one kid was speed-mumbling about putting broccoli in the printer
Is 1:30 too early for the bar?
Do you want my opinion or society's?
I want your company
I made out with my former step mother's best friend. Only knew the connection when they both showed up together at the bar.
While I appreciate the pity sex (seriously, THANK YOU) we should not do it 3feet away from my ex when he's passed out next time. Awkward.
Shut up. You had me at killer robots. Your place or mine?
Randomize
