Say "Steve Buscemi is hot." with a straight face.
took out my tampon, fucked him, and put a new one back in all before he realized I was on my period. beat that one bitch.
I was just on craigslist and saw and ad for a naked yoga instructor. I will no longer be jobless.
I hope making "real" money at your "real" job is worth it because you totally missed beer and dorrito mac n cheese tuesday.
She is putting glow sticks from her bedroom to the bathroom. She is calling it 'Being prepared'. God help us all tonight...
As shirtless as possible
Didn't I tell you I have developed a shameless theory about farting anywhere and everywhere? I'm too pretty so no one suspects me.
Just grabbing my bra from a history teacher's desk in the Humanities building. Maybe I should stop drinking on weeknights
Totally passed out on the dealers bed after paying him all in ones so no, i dont think i'll be getting a discount soon.
I woke up to a 3rd person picture of my own dick sent from a 1-800 number..
I just watched two grown men tickle-fight. Just glorious. No words.
Sexting across continents is really a perfect example of how far technology has come.
I left her alone for a few minutes and she's already using a guy on his hands and knees as a chair while another guy is serving her margaritas.
I'm just drunk enough to be eating egg rolls on the toilet
there is glitter all over my balls
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