having sex with you is like teaching a dog to tango, it DOESN'T work
I just saw a 3 year old try to break out of a daycare by driving a big wheel at full speed into a metal gate. Today is going to be epic.
make sure i look cute passed out on the couch.
i knew he was a douchebag when his facebook activities were "ladeis," and "gettin crunk wit ladeis"
Pre-order weed for 4/20 and i'll give you a discount.
If I don't have herpes this will be the single greatest day of my life
THIS IS NO TIME FOR SHAME JOSH. JUST GOTTA GET IT IN. PURELY FOR LEVELING UP PURPOSES
Im eating a cannibus peanut butter and jelly sandwich, while snuggling a stuffed animal. Either this flu is really really harsh or I'm some kind of stoner toddler
Think I just subconsciously wanted a cigarette and started sleep walking to Carl's.. Didn't realize what I was doing until I found myself in an elevator.
sending him nudies in gran's hospital bathroom. you?
I feel like I spent all day wearing underpants made entirely of poison ivy and sandpaper
I'm literally in the bathroom for two minutes and I walk out to a random dude with his face in your tits
Just saw a car towing a guy on skis drive by so that’s how Syracuse is doing today.
Dude my cat is eating sugar cookies with me. No joke. My cat likes cookies.
He’s perfect! He listens to Genesis during sex and has a VW bus!
You really are from the panhandle, aren’t you?
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