we didnt fuck last night. again. seriously, his place is like where dreams go to die.
Remember that foreign guy who never talked last night? He just came out of my bathroom when I woke up.
You peed in the parking lot while a car was was waiting behind us. And when people walked by you proceeded to say "careful you might slip"
Def walking back to my apt with a blender, an empty vodka bottle, and a half eAtn drumstick cone.
Crumbling up chips, putting them in salsa, eating with spoon. New level of stoner fatassery. Its so genius/delicous i'm not even ashamed
You hid from a cop under some guy's canoe on his lawn.. It didnt work
It got heated then she just left and I was all alone in the women's restroom.
If I get there and all he has for my big valentines surprise is his body, I'm dumping his ass and posting his dirty pictures on a porn site so people can laugh at him.
I took out the emergency phone in the elevator and replaced it with a bottle of vodka. The game is simple, do a shot for the number of the floor you're going to. Best suggestion box tip ever.
I think I offered a man a blowjob for his power ranger suite last night...
I came so hard my entire leg seized. Her blowjob gave me a Charlie horse.
Oh man I knew I took that Molly too soon, talkin to some Scottish people lol but don’t like rollin in pizza restaurants.
Just got done being naked and Mooning the cops. I'm still alive. Let's drink.
Waking up naked and dehydrated has become a regular occupancy for me.
His penis is average but his stamina is amazing!!! I didn’t know I had that many orgasms in my body!!!!
Randomize
