you went to subway and got pissed when they refused to deep fry your sub
Well my dea agent brother is visiting so I'm gonna get high and see if he notices
He had a seizure when i was giving him head. for a second i was thinking i was doing a spectacular job
Sorry about blasting sandstorm on a loop when i left for work this morning. But maybe this will teach you to not come home trashed on a tuesday night with some chick and have loud sex till 4 in the morning. The walls are thin, remember?
bong water from a few floors above me just splashed onto my face when i was looking out the window. Happy 4/21 to me
I made a bet with her that she would show me her tits if I finished my beer. Only on spring break.
Can I interview you during sex or would that be weird?
I'm sorry but if you can't drink a bottle of wine without a glass, I do not think we can be friends.
The trick will be getting hammered before we get to the first bar
Challenge accepted
No lie. I was hooking up with a former football player at UT and mid-hookup I yelled "I'M FRATERNIZING WITH THE ENEMY"
At some point, you're going to have to talk to a tree and do what it says
I can still taste the Jäger. I'm gonna shoot myself.
They said you went back in for 30 minutes and were walking with your arms out like an eagle soaring
She kept giving the uber driving directions and we all thought they were wrong so we'd send him the other way. Turns out she wasn't guiding us home, but to the half gallon that she hid in the bushes on the way to the bar.
Fucking suck it up and drink your feelings like a normal human being.
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