just by requesting 'I think we're alone now', not only did you achieve emptying the bar, but you also rubbed it in the owners face.
WHY DIDN'T ANYON E TELL ME SHE WAS SIXTEEN
I just spilled my beer all over my laptop.. this is what i get for actually trying to do homework
My dad just came home, said hi to mom and me in the kitchen, and then said "I'm gonna go inject my blood with iguana saliva".
He was rambling about life and dignity and happiness. but all i kept thinking was PENIS. YOU HAVE A PENIS. I CAN SHOW YOU WHERE TO PUT THAT PENIS.
I'm genuinely dissapointed that we didn't make any fat chicks cry
Its like the unofficial aniversary of the loss of her virginity. And I will be giving tours of the spot they did it in and showing how I'm serious when I say the grass doesn't grow there anymore.
A homeless man just asked me if I had seen any "nekkid chicks with heineken bottles run by"
Berkeley was the right choice
i just wrote an ode to an enchilada dorito. i'll need that pregnancy test now please.
I didn't know where we were going to start fucking, so I just strategically hid condoms all over the house before he came over.
The look of disappointment from my cat while I take nudes...
drunk and crying about Shakespeare- how's your night?
all of these bad things happened because I didn't bring a shower beer.
just had sex in the back of my high school auditorium #dreamcumtrue
I have just received a gold-medal-deserving sext. He wrote me a fucking novel. Not only am I incredibly turned on but I am beyond impressed. He is the sext god. I must bow to him.
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