Do you not remember dry humping your dog for 20 minutes at oxfest dude?
dude my grandmas the shit. she has a sixth grade education and got hit by a car when she was 18. she cant smell.
All I'm saying, is that being compared to a Muppet is not the end of the world.
I just opened a bunch of old flavored condoms just to see what they tasted like.
Convinced the domino's pizza delivery person to go to shaws and buy me a bottle of wild turkey. For america.
Shes sitting on the front porch puking in to the pumpkin she just carved...in the rain. I guess pumpkin spice tequila shots wasnt our best idea.
My clothes are covered in blood and I feel like I drank a gallon of elephant cum...it's safe to say I'm hungover
i'll probably be on drugs forewarning
forewarning i'll probably have done those drugs with you
Just puked off the 5th floor onto a car windshield. This is my life and I'm proud of it.
I'm just saying. If this how my magic vagina shows it's magic then I don't want any
Oh my god I haven't had mozzarella sticks since I banged that Applebee's waiter
I swear to god if you keep eating my cats food drunk I am going to kick you out of our apartment.
You wear a dinosaur suit one time and everyone thinks you're a furry. Fucking hell, man.
Pretty sure we ruined a bachelorettes life last night
The people above me are fucking to Miley Cyrus
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