Would it be weird if I brought slabs of bacon with me to the beach?
Standing here next to my mom talking to my friend trying to act like he doesn't sell me E every weekend.
No, don't worry. We're not going to get THAT arrested.
...so how do you feel about living with a lesbian next year?
hhaha i just laughed out loud when i read that
is that a "i laughed because im fine with it" or "im a republican" ?
I know the scar will be in an obvious place, that's why I'm certain it'll score me cancer blowjobs
in hindsight, the duct tape banana hammock was a bad idea.
Im celebrating the fact that the one guy who has ever denied me has just come out of the closet
my head hurts. i need an adult
and not like a cool parent adult. like a full fledged party pooper grandparent adult
Yehhhaaww I'm way ahead of you. I'm gunna get her a card that says " I'm sorry your now ex boyfriend decided to upgrade"
I just woke up in my ex-boyfriends bed, with my new boyfriends jersey on. I love March maddness.
Yea. Some girl set a laundry machine on fire. She's not getting married.
I can't remember dinner
Hahaha "rub in the ketchup on your face, It'll just look like blush." some gay waiter said that to you, and you go "good idea!"
Her text was so long it had an arrow to expand it. You know it's bad when even your iPhone can't handle her
Someone needs to fuck me in my slutty pumpkin costume and I would ideally like it to be you
Why are your pants in the freezer?
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