Btw, I'm really high so I apologize if anything I say gets translated into arabic.
Just got super judged by a walmart cashier for buying diet pills and candy in the same transaction. Like she has her life figured out.
how sketchy is it to eat a candy wrapped in masking tape from reggae night? because we totally just split it...
Oh man I'm using the bubble wrap that wraped my new vibrator to wrap my dads fathers day gift
Nothing bonds a father and daughter like washing her puke off the front steps
Thank you for FINALLY joining the Slutasorus Rex club in this conversation.
"Douchebag of the Year" award goes to the guy who didn't reply to the picture of my tits.
He held the kayak still so I wouldn't tip over while projectile vomiting. If that ain't true love, I don't know what is...
He gave me a beer, petted my head, and called me kiddo.
They sleep with other people as long as there is no oral. Logic and reason were thrown out the window a long time ago with them.
Well, you've continued the theme of living with people who's dicks I've sucked.
the conference was great. we had to hide the acid in a planter in front of the department of agriculture though
I have unfollowed so many people the only things showing up in my newsfeed are dog rescues and sloth memes
Do you have any idea how awkward it was to type ‘dog twerking’ into google search? Because I don’t think you do.
the woman that waxes my lady parts just hugged me...
were you wearing pants?
no.
Randomize
