I think she would actually eat a penis if anyone was brave enough to let one near her mouth
This is getting serious. I keep forgetting what's in my vagina.
Oh my god. I think I just sexted my mom...
What?!
Fwd: Ride me, you sleek sleek woman!!!
No... We were arguing over whose family is more dysfunctional... Then my brother stumbled in and puked all over jakes ugly dog.
Sometimes i wish my penis was detachable that way i could take it off sometimes so i wouldnt get into these situations
I'm in the grocery store cradling a box of wine like it's my firstborn, so of course this would be the first and only time I've ever seen my boss outside of the office.
Thanks for stopping me from letting that 14 year old feel my boobs. Thanks.
Why are you always at the walk in clinic, Lady Chlamydia?
You're not allowed to make that my permanent nickname.
Someone got day drunk, but I'm not saying who.
It was me.
I am literally drinking 7 day old water and looking for snacks in my room so I won't have to go in the hall and see roommate, because we accidentally banged last night. Please bring over some chicken and plan b.
Also day 6: dick is healed and ready to go back to work.
CODE RED CODE RED MY VIBRATOR IS BROKEN THIS IS NOT A DRILL
I got pulled over by the same cop in a 4.5 hour window. Got off both times. Fuck yes.
He did a backflip because drugs
I'm still thinking about that amazing orgasm last night. I literally heard angels singing "Hallelujah!!"
Randomize
