If you were a Panda and I were a Koala and we had a baby, it'd be a falafel. Just think about that.
I don't know where I am, but its a Goosebumps novel waiting to happen.
i just got cockblocked by a guy drinking wine straight out of the bottle with a straw...
I am actually insulted by the long string of ugly, fat girls he hooked up with after me.
Woke up shivering behind the titty bar, With the worst leg cramps. I'm like a poster boy for responsibility.
When you sober up and come in here, I'm in your bed because you pissed on me in mine. So fuck. Off.
no, she just came home, mumbled about being a gerbil out of water then ate half cooked chicken nuggets.. normal night
Thanks for taking care of me. I hope I didn't pee in your car.
Walgreens has pop rocks. Be prepared to get your dick sucked.
I just want a relatively mentally stable guy with tattoos and facial hair that loves Captain America as much as I do and will fuck me the way I deserve to be fucked, is that too much to ask for?
Look, he's a hot korean guy with a motorcycle and a great ass. I'm gonna do head-titingly kinky shit with him.
"can you come pick me up from the ikea parking garage i think i slept here"
So the vodka/tequila mix went down fine but the burp made me cry
Grabbed the cop's ass and he still arrested Heather instead. Victory is mine!!
Got baked and laid and ate baked lays when I laid down while baking the brownies I I’m Superman
You’re still high, aren’t you?
Oh yeah
Randomize
