I'm looking for sex. Do you know her?
My pee smelled like sake this morning it was sooo disgusting.
Dude, way to rack up $80 in pornos in the hotel room last night, and not tell me before I got blindsided at check out.
Heh. Guess I ordered some porno last night. Heh.
Just saw an Asian kid crash into the bike rack with his bike. I love sitting outside the engineering building.
Either he masturbated at the end of the bed or she gave him a bj. Either way my bed was shaking and I was uninvolved.
you were eating the carrots out of my guinea pig's cage and saying that you needed them more than they ever would.
So after tequila Thursday, Jess broke her arm table dancing. Now her and Andrew look like the perfect drunk couple, matching casts and all.
I told the girl who was peeing in the garbage can she must have had a lot of upper body strength.
Just found weed in an empty handle. Who knew Capitan Morgan was also a gardener?
He is peeing inside and sticking up for himself. Those are two of the four signs of the apocalypse.
Sex to movie scores is my best choice of the year. You've had an orgasm but have you had an orgasm with an entire orchestra.
Apparently i tried to feed this guy's piranhas my whole left arm.. according to him, i was "showing them whos boss, bc if they try to eat my arm, im guna punch their face"
I'm disproportionately drunk. But I also spelled disproportionately right twice so maybe I'm not that drunk
I need your opinion, is it ACTUALLY sweet that a booty call offered to walk me home with an umbrella because it was raining, or is that just low standards?
Some guy at the bar last night bought us Arrowhead water and I was so drunk, it tasted good
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