watching hot guy on train scrolling with his blackberry's track ball... o to be that track ball...
He just sent me a dick pic with his iPod held up next to it and the words "in relation to iPod." Geekiest booty call ever.
We convinced him to snort an altoid. We should not be allowed to drink together
look up what dreaming that you're in a lesbian relationship with a manatee means.
I'm starting to think my role in the world is to inject batshit crazy, mentally unbalanced chicks with a dose of normal sperm.
Know your penis has been the topic of conversation over glasses of wine.
Whatever the emoticon is for "balls deep". That.
I'M CUDDLING WITH MY CAT AND THAT GUY SENT ME A DICK PIC. UNANNOUNCED DICK PICS ARE TERRIFYING AND MY CAT WILL NEVER BE THE SAME
I'm so hungover I can't taste anything
I wish you looked at me the way you looked at my brothers penis
we're so committed to being not committed
It was an entirely appropriate time and place for sexual thoughts.
That doesn't make it ok to play by play me your honeymoon!
im tired of guys just wanting to hook up with me. im like, guys, i know im pretty and i have a slammin bod and i love making out, but cant someone treat me with respect??
I think the cashier at 7/11 might be planning an intervention for me.
Gotta say, self-deprecating Lord of the Rings-themed sex jokes were not on my agenda for today.
Randomize
