I woke up with a picture of my dick as my background. still wondering if it was a good night or not.
I am standing at the lion i publicly humped last night. i am mortified.
Ok seriously I'm living off of bologna but I have 4 handles in the freezer.
It's not quite a landing strip... It's more like a soul patch for my vagina.
I HOPE YOURE READY TO KICK SOME SERIOUS ASS AT TRIVIA NIGHT TOMORROW NIGHT. also, i hope the birth of your niece goes well. BUT MOSTLY TRIVIA NIGHT.
I think I reached some stage of aging, have a sore/injured shoulder from sex, next up carpal tunnel from sexting.
I know we said we never would. But try fucking a fat guy. He put in so much more effort and then made me waffles.
Couldn't find my swimsuit top anywhere this morning but finally found it in the skimmer of the pool so thats how my night apparently went
You left your underwear in a sandwich bag on my kitchen counter.
The multiple male orgasm is a real thing. I've seen it. I've caused it. I called him a unicorn.
I tried to flirt with him by saying "catholics are cool" and he handed me a cup of water so i called him jesus and thanked him for the wine
The last I heard from her she said she was going to plant sunflowers, get drunk on white wine and listen to Everybody Wants to Rule the World on repeat.
lets face it, we have a liquor cabinet with a designated chocolate shelf
For some reason, my alarm clock was unplugged & in the kitchen microwave. I don't remember doing that...
I was just told that I'm the Sherlock Holmes of drunken sex. I'll take it.
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