She is making me post-sex grilled cheese at 2 am wearing only shorts and cowboy boots. I am so in love
I was curling my hair today and I looked at my curling iron and thought...
You at least unplugged it right?
my mom just asked me what a queef is. she needs to stop watching south park
I think when she wakes up, she'll either kill me, or laugh. I hope she laughs.
the fact that i fell through a skylight is the least humiliating part of the night
He left his umbrella behind in my bed to 'keep me company', then stole my front door key before he went to work
im pretty sure this vending machine only exists when im drunk
WHY ARE YOU POKING HOLES IN MY 3AM LOGIC?!
I dont know. Theres no way you can be ready for the sex hurricane that will consume you.
You need to stop thinking about the needs of your vagina and concentrate on the greater good
Your boyfriends underwear are hanging from my kitchen window. Where the fuck are you?!
I got propositioned to get involved with an engaged couple. I told them I didn't think my married couple would like me to see other couples...
IT IS NICKEL SHIT NIGHT
*shot. Why
i have officially smoked myself stupid. went to wally world to buy soap and toothpaste but got 4 potpies and 2 dessert pies instead. fail.
If I didn't have booty calls, my apartment would never get clean
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