It's pouring out. I am cold, wet, and miserable.... Kind of reminds me of our sleepover last night.
Did you just throw up mid-sentence?
bar tonight had a doorbell to get in and last night i saw my neighbors fuck on the balcony, she wore a nurse outfit. Missouri isn't so bad...
I masturbated on the webcams with my bf yesterday then typed without washing my hands first... then my roommate used my laptop it was pretty priceless
my mom just asked me what a queef is. she needs to stop watching south park
Nothing makes my dick softer than hot girls in rain boots.
I walked in on you eating olive oil off of a plate. you gave me this look and I just started crying. we were that drunk.
She wanted to to do it on top of a horse, I can't compete with that
I know you hold the fastest time for "zoo downhill wheelchair racing" but I don't see what that has to do with this.
Is singing the Indiana Jones theme while I put on the condom off limits?
I'm not the one who can lose their erection, so it's fair game
I may or may not have traded your body to the rodeo's owner for free beer.
Charles Manson is Getting Married and I stare down at my tits and wonder how I am possibly single.
Not sure who they are or where we're going but they just bought me 3 tacos so I'm staying.
it was the kind of sex that I don't even know how my hair extentions are still in
Ewe he just snapped me a pic of his butt crack.. Should I be concerned?
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