Did you REALLY have to twitter about our sex last night?
I know i'm drunk when the "men" sign on the bathroom sounds chinese
i wish we had vans that drove around at night but insteand of ice cream and jolly tunes its taco bell and the macarena
having my hair in braids makes puking so easy. i am being an indian every halloween
I think he just gave me the 'I used to sleep with your sister' discount
I'm bringing a flask to the test on friday. If I'm gonna fail at least I can enjoy the experience
I am fine. Katie thinkr i broke things pole dancing. I am coherant.
It's because you were crossfaded. And because drinks were 3 dollars. And because they accepted credit cards.
slow down on the beer.. we don't need another pentabong projectile hot dog incident
He was so drunk he was throwing the bowling balls into other lanes on purpose. He still beat my high score thought.
She did my hair, then ate me out. Switching teams was an awesome decision.
Bro. Some kids just drive-by judged the shit outta me.
I'm on acid right now in three feet of snow. I NEEEED YOOOOUUUU
Im crossing my legs while on the toilet. It's like I'm unconsciously thinking "if im going to barf and shit at the same time, Im at least going to do it LIKE A LADY"
Nobody on Tinder wants to give you a Blumpkin.
Randomize
