So the D.A.R.E. essay I helped my tutor kid write won an award. Oh the irony.
You know you're on day 1 of your period when the new mcdonalds commercial makes you cry
they arrested me when i was peaking, i'm pretty sure they were specifically looking for me but i was too busy rolling around, loving the grass to notice the police car..
I sang Jenna happy bday in the middle of throw up hurls
I told them I got hit by a car again and now im pretty sure they think im being abused but there was no way in hell the truth was going to fly. Employed people aren't supposed to break their faces in piggy back ride accidents.
She just cut the six pack plastic up and screamed "save the dolphins"..she also threw away cans of tuna. I like this girl.
2:23 am. Im just at McDonalds, in my pajamas, at 2 am, paying in nickles, cuz thats how i roll.
2:26 am. Im just being thrown out of McDonalds, in my pajamas, at 2 am, without my nickles, cuz thats how i roll.
I know this is super early in advance but can I borrow your horse mask on 4/20
I literally just skipped to the fridge when I realized we had enough vodka left to get day drunk
was I atleast graceful when I feel down that flight of stairs and broke my hand?
Van sex tonight? No need to tell me how classy that sounded.
I feel kind of like we’re in a gang and tonight is one of those “people are gonna know not to fuck with us” type of nights. And then tomorrow I am going to learn to pole dance. I’m not really sure how I got to this point in my life… but I like it.
So this morning when I woke up. I found my refrigerator open and no more food. It was empty, I'm home alone for the week. Where in hell did that food go?
I’ve wanted to home wreck him since their wedding. It was a dream come true
Would you still love me if I got a Whatever Forever tattoo? It's like the Emo kids' Live Laugh Love
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