I was hooking up with him in my car, he wouldn't stop with my nipples, I had to literally beat him off of me. He kept groaning too while he was doing it. Sick.
Mommy issues
The sex was great until she started shouting, "Succeed!, Succeed!" Then it was like I was fucking a motivational speaker. Awkward.
I swear my cock is like a magnet to my friends younger sisters mouths.
you know something has gone wrong in your life when you've gotten a court order to stay away from ALL mc donalds.
she's my drunk super hero.
According to the bell hop, we stumbled in about 4 and then cannon balled into the pool.
im drunk. people are steering their children away from me. whatever it is that you called for, I assure you that I don't care. have a good night
Why is there a school picture of an 8 year old boy in my pocket...?
He was having a "party in the princess castle." At what point do I blindfold him and take him to AA?
Don't feel bad sweetie, you're not the only classy one in town. I'm still driving around with that tupperware of tequila in my cup holder from last week's Margarita Monday.
i'd say i'm about at weeping-uncontrollably-in-a-puddle-of-my-own-tears-and-urine level
I`m watching Shallow Hal & Jack Black has better nipples than Jimmy's chick.
my last search of the night was "the physics of green eggs and ham" what the fuck
I'm still getting random messages from guys about my Halloween outfit. Electrical tape is coming back next year
What a better way to celebrate that I'm single by becoming a stripper and making $1000 in one night
Who wakes up at 9 and says "let me send a pic of my dick to my ex gf"
Randomize
