so what if he's got a new girlfriend. the guy i'm fucking has an english accent. i win.
If she's telling you consent laws theres probably a reason
Please tell me why 'cock-a-thon' was auto saved in my phone.
How am I suppose to fully love you when you cant even open up and try to fulfill my midget fantasy
This may be hard to believe, but that wasn't the first time I was fingered under a snuggie
It's not
I seriously think I got run over last night.. My sides are bruised and I got a ride home in the limo from the office.
Listening to Ke$ha's new single to pump myself up for my STD test.
I WANT TO. I JUST IMAGINE HIS BEAUTIFUL BLONDE HEAD INBETWEEN MY LEGS AND I BREAK DOWN AND START CRYING.
I let a blind guy feel me up. All he kept saying was "oh fuck yeah!"
he just kept texting even after we lit his shoelaces on fire. he just calmly walked into the pool... still texting.
Yeah the last text says "How many your ass,,,,, prepare it" so take that for what it is
Here's a concept though: eating pasta while getting laid
I love FaceTime, every time you ring me the morning after its like I went home with your one night stand too.
Are you aware that you called your mom to say hi before you dragged the random guy into bed last night?
I'm praying to the gods of sex we both get laid this weekend. Amen. Love you
Randomize
