Alarm just got pulled in my exam
Swear it wasn't me
Me= Watching Ferngully. My neighbor= Having really loud sex including multiple orgasms
Oh God
I know, but the worst part is I'm not really sure which I'd rather be doing. Feel free to re-evaluate our friendship
meow
WTF. STOP SENDING ME ANIMAL NOISES. ITS FUCKING WEIRD.
Just washed my feet between classes in the bathroom...Four girls totally judged me...
We should never set our expectations higher than pizza bagels cause then our night is bound to get better
It's probably just the physical manifestation of slut karma. But i of course mean that in the kindest way possible because i love you and respect your choices
WHAT? When did I ever refer to one of my past hookups as "the rainforest guy"?
asked the cab driver where he learned Swahili last night.
We were showing our tits to everyone because it's breast cancer awareness month and we care deeply
I thought we were doing it cause it's Tuesday
She pushed me over. She offered me a shot from her tits. We're good now
Cocaine and dance dance revolution for 4 hours. I consider last night a success.
My drug dealer is giving me a 15% veterans discount on my weed for nov 11th
That's the best thing I've heard all week.
She tied me to her bed using her honor chords. Thank god for graduation!
He went down on me for like 30 min and honestly half the time I thought about those videos where people can smash watermelons with their legs and I just wanted to do that to his skull
I think I broke my dick but 10/10 would definitely do it again.
Randomize
