I have had it with that bitchy sack of crazy. Iam done!
how the fuck did you end up in georgia? you were here at my party dry humping some chick 2 hours ago
so you mean to tell me that there is no way you can get me?
bad night - i tried for naughty librarian but could only manage to pull off pissed off barrista.
Pretty sure that's a used tampon hanging from the tree outside my window.
I'm going out with a guy whose nickname is Shark Week cause he'll eat anyone. I'm very excited.
I went to the bar saying i wasn't going to drink that much. I forgot sobriety might as well be some mythical creature when you're with Holleey
We can do this. We've been drunk at a gay bar, we will not be taken down by a Tuesday.
I was just at home taking Vicodin for a week straight. Talk about a vacation.
you were so blacked last night that you jumped in the lake fully clothed, then just went back to the bar and walked around like you weren't soaking wet.
I just found out who gave her jelly shots. You owe me a new mattress.
I just smoked by myself in my childhood bedroom, how happy does it seem I am to be home for Christmas?
Just brought out that old CCM hockey helmet. The one covered in sharpie penises with "DRUNK BUCKET" written across the front. The number of tally marks / initials from tonight's drunk stunts alone is equal parts inspiring and alarming.
On the other hand, this could be a new level of shame for me.
There's a rash on my genitals that would like a word with you.
I woke up in his closet, with my shirt inside out and backwards, Rolos in my hand, a tortilla with a face carved into it stuck to the fridge with a magnet, a homemade bong next to the bed, and the door off the hinges... I need a chaperone.
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