Doing final review now. Then epic shit. Then going to take it. Should start it be 1030. Done by 2. Drunk by 3. Hammered by 4. Blacked out by 5. Streaking by 6. Jail sometime after that
you announced to everyone at the bar "fuck girls. they're confusing. im gonna start having sex with boys now"
shut up. I wear heels bigger than your dick
he drunkenly pissed himself on the deck, in the bathroom, and on my couch within the span of an hour
its like an avodart commercial...maybe he has a growing problem
Cool, so I just walked in on my grandfather checking his prostate in the kitchen.
I was just on craigslist and saw and ad for a naked yoga instructor. I will no longer be jobless.
she was stripping to whiskey lullaby. most depressed boner.
The bank teller laughed at me....I'm apparently that fucking hungover looking
All I wanted was my $85. Judgement free. But nooooo
We should go, because after those margaritas time is running out on my sobriety clock.
WHY THE FUCK IS MY BATH TUB FILLED WITH MUD?!
1. You were drunk 2. You wanted a mud bath\n3. We tried to talk you out of it, but you kept throwing dirt at us
I have a bad feeling I'm going to like this fuck buddy
So you let the Viking explore your nether regions?
YOU HAVE BEEN BAD TOUCHED BY THE LEPRECHAUN OF CHOICES
Just took acid. Wish me luck.
I worked out twice today and you're dropping acid. My life sucks.
well I ran around the park drunk with a plastic baby and fell, all while screaming "I WILL PROTECT YOU CARLOS", yeah there's video
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