I just woke up. In the port-o-potty next to our tailgate. an hour after the game started. explain.
i've never seen someone fall down the steps so gracefully... i think im in love
Just assessed the damage in the bath. Two love bites. One bruise on the inner thigh. Strange awareness of what i'm assuming is my cervix. I've definitely missed you. x
He was going down on me as I discovered a spaghetti-O on my boob. Its been a while since I faked it.
The stripper was waving you to the stage, not up on the stage. That's why you got choked out.
That guy is like a clown car of sexy. Just when I think I've seen it all, THERE'S MORE.
AND SOME IN THE TRUNK.
I wanted sex but got Ace Ventura: Pet Detective, instead. Then I had to drive 30 minutes home wet. Worst booty call, ever.
Crowning achievement. I bought ranch dressing and emergency contraception.
I think i'm the first person to get kicked out of a club while completely sober. Come outside please!!
We just stood outside and debated the existence of mermaids for about 20 min. Is this what too drunk is?
I doubt the gods of funday Sunday would exact such a high price... But it's good to know an afternoon with me is worth a left foot.
She woke up, peed in the sink and then passed out again, it's only 2 in the afternoon
when ur drunk laser tag is all fun n games. try it high and all of the aliens in the galaxy want you dead.
oh and i figured out why we kept smelling vomit. ive got vomit on my socks. putting the heater on my feet was not the best of ideas.
I just remembered something from last night. check your closet.
Randomize
