DUDE. I'm missing my big toenail. My bed has blood all over it. WHAT DID WE DO LAST NIGHT?
I don't know, but I chipped my tooth and I'm wearing different underwear.
At what point did I eat out of your mouth?
my mom took me to a gay bar and went on and on about all her good times at clubs... i now know where i get it
Well, I woke up with a text message from my cab driver that said "I hope you're alive," so that's a good indicator of how I was acting last night.
Can we hire someone to dj while we have sex?
Soo time for a life change, my 6 yr old sister made my gf a puke bucket for her birthday
It was just a friend comforting a friend. Except his penis was inside of me.
I shouldn't have to say "get your balls off my counter" on a Wednesday.
I had to talk to the cops at my front door in a bathrobe, with the buttplug still in.
Please brint me miilk. I am on the floor but my door is open. Thank you, i appreciate u verry much.
I can't wait till they start promoting the testiciplasty. Turn those old prunes into fresh tight kiwis!
If I die tonight, I want you to have the rest of my nachos. And my porn collection.
After we hooked up, his roommate shouted "I LIKE TO HAVE SEX TOO" from across the apartment
Scientific fact: if he makes a face like a demonic dog when he's fucking you, makes it easier to fuck without feelings.
I was trying to type "I just want you naked" and it put "I just want you baked"
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