i didnt like the question options for my yahoo account..so i made up the question and it was "favorite bathroom to shit in"
her boobs were like sundried tomatoes..
so I told him I hadn't been laid since Bush was president. Right after he cums, he says "Welcome to the Obama Administration".
mid puke you looked up at me and asked if it was your turn to sing
She introduced herself as 'Ann the sober one.' Took me to a coat check and a lost and found. Then offered coffee and breakfast sandwiches. Turns out she's been paying her half of the electric bill running post-party operations.
Did you know there's no emoticon to really tell you that I just consumed a magic brownie?
The owner of this phone is no longer accepting texts from liars, assholes or married men. You figure out which one applies.
It feels like you stuck your dick in a fire and then branded the inside of me.
at work, .. 47 yr old boss was in a fight. 2 BLACK EYES. I may get fired. I cant stop laughing
Like I owe him sex. Hell fucking no. I owe myself sex. With a celebrity. Or a clean pornstar. Who knows.
Current state of being: shivering like a new born kitten on the bathroom floor
dude, she has my telletubby sweats and my good sweatshirt hostage, I can't risk their safety with a breakup
Thinking about licking your asshole. And hugs and stuff too I guess.
He offered to dress his dick up as Charlie Chaplin to cheer me up.
Keep him.
Was picked up in the middle of a bar full of people...apparently I'm not tall enough to reach for drunken makeouts. I'm proud of myself.
Randomize
