So I thought I was slick leaving his room this morning all incognito. Little did I know I was wearing his football jersey with his name across the back... stilettos & my bra was left behind. never seeing that again
Just got my period. I'm not pregnant with Scott's child and I won't be having any sex tonight. This must be what they mean by bittersweet.
Everybody was literally kung fu fighting
i just funneled a beer through a mask n snorkel.. can you check that off my bucket list..
sorry for throwing an entire water bottle of vodka at you. It was very wasteful
You're barking up the wrong lesbian.
I can honestly say I've never had orange soda poured on my vagina before, that's a story for the grand kids
It's a gateway drink.... Starts with wine... Then I wake up in my car with mascara on my arms covered in french fries...
Woke up fully clothed in bed sleeping on my purse.....we're back!!!
I dunno what he did but it both burns and feels amazing to pee
I cried at the bouncer while saying I wished he was my father... They had no idea what to do with me.
She busted her face in a tragic twerking accident. Marking the 2nd time I have peed my pants laughing.
I bruised my dick hopping over that fence last night
I just got St Patricks day and the day after St Patricks day off, wich I'm pretty sure is as close to a raise as I'll ever get.
I'll truly miss your penis but your use of words and phrases such as bae, yolo, swag, and totes have ruined how attractive you once were.
Randomize