Haym$ered
turn off your phone and go to bed
if only i could text you this smell
it's like your virginity...sometimes you have to pretend like it's still there
No. He just yelled "youre having one more orgasm!" So he made that happen and then he rolled over and went to sleep.
u know how some weekends you just wanna go out and ruin a relationship? this is one of those weekends
I'm skipping the 'hey, how are you, I have to pick up something pointless at your apartment' excuse and just telling you I'm coming over to fuck.
You walked away saying that you had to pee and you never came back. We found you an hour later in his roommate's bed. Under the covers. Still in your wet bathing suit.
I'm skyping with my parents and reading Cosmo articles on giving great head. I'm on a roller coaster that only goes up, baby.
in case you were wondering, even a BJ under a blanket on the back of a bus only lifts a 14-hour bus ride to borderline tolerable.
Just saw a couple do like 5 Sakai bombs and my dad goes "who says love is dead"
Omg, you would have loved the guy I almost hit with my car tonight
You were sending me snapchats from a bathtub with your beer helmet on and your boobs out.
Ways to ruin a one night stand: the guy finds your parenting magazine on your dorm room desk.
And I'm determined to make an Eiffel Tower happen sometime. I just don't know who will take the pic (first world sex problem?)
I appreciate alcohol much more now that I have to be sober sometimes
Randomize
