just got pizza delivered to the hot tub. its easier than i thought to be this lazy
I woke up hungover and opened my laptop to find that i had googled alcoholism again
why weren't you at the audition last night?
booty call before role call
She had a maple leaf tattoo behind her ear and told me she liked my "playoff beard".
Only in Canada would your laziness be applied to hockey and rewarded.
Found out my brother is now my eskimo brother...One of my proudest times as a brother
It's like I'm in a vicious cycle of noncommittal penis.
he came in the shower with me...i thought it was going to be nice and romantic...until he started peeing on my leg.
It'll be like a meth lab. But with jello.
Beautiful fucking linguistics Shakespeare, but youre still not doing that to my face
SOS. HE HAS PASSED OUT AND IS LYING ON TOP OF ME. HE IS STILL INSIDE. HELP
I drank it. I drank the beer from '78. I drank my bday beer, I drank my soul
I'm high and having a granola buffet this has got to be the healthiest I have ever been
Rome wasn't built in a day - my bedroom skills weren't obtained in some boring monogamous relationship. Same thing. Right?
there's people who respect me enough not to bang on my bed and i think that's beautiful
I know I may be showing my age by saying this but this is the first time I have been eaten out in the parking lot behind the Clairmont Inn since 1990
Randomize
