alright got my week's quota of sex in, ready for modern warfare 2
sometimes i wish i was a boob, they get to chill in soft and cuddly little cup things.
You know you stopped at a liquor store to prepare for a 12-year-old's birthday party, right?
she walked out and i tried to get her to come back but i couldn't remember her name so i just whistled... future reference: that doesn't work
He was in Alberta for less than a week and is already banned from 6 bars. I fear for his general well-being over there.
We are sitting here staring into each others eyes, mutually rubbing forks up and down our respective noses. High as balls doesn't even begin to cover it.
People...there is no better feeling in the world than finding out via Google that your ex has a warrant out for his arrest. No better feeling.
My mind's like "He's a sexist pig" but my uterus is like "YOU SHALL BEAR HIM STRONG CHILDREN"
well. can officially check "get caught having sex on the front porch by the neighbors" off the bucket list.
I think he might be using me for sex. I also think I might be ok with that.
How to not get laid: tell him he reminds you of your brother. While having sex. Thanks, vodka.
There's nothing like when u really click with a stripper
Checked my bank account this morning...apparently I went to 7-11 at 4am and spent $22 on taquitos. New all time low for me.
I ate all of them. New all time low for ME.
You got into an extremely loud argument with a juggalo and slapped him, he started crying and everyone cheered.
I remember that, it happened before I started drinking. I thought you said I did something shameful?
So, I can officially cross "getting eaten out in a church confession booth" off my bucket list.
Randomize