Your parents are going to be so confused in the morning
More like pissed. but ill be sure to explain my pathological fear of terrorists hiding in the bathtub
I wish i could be there for it
I am too pretty for them to be this angry at me.
Just think, this time last Cinco de Mayo you were holding me up and finding me passed out in the yard of that house.
Man, just talk to her friend and help me out. Otherwise we go home alone
I'd rather jerk off with a hand full of bumble bees then talk to her
This hot topless Jamaican just ran down the st with me on his back and He was screaming "I be stealing yo white ladies."
I don't know if i should be jealous or worried... or question where you are.
I have so much boob sweat I could bathe a baby
Oh if we have sex in public no one will frown upon it. They will stand and cheer for it
He offered to let her do a line of coke off his hard-on. She said she'd had that hard-on and it would be a bump, not a line. Everyone laughed. That's why he left.
So that answers the first question but not the second: how the fuck am I getting home?
I almost took a picture but it looked like he might have a shank and I'm just not at a place in my life where I could handle having tetanus
We need to talk about your improper dealings with the town drug dealer.
First encounter with a mirco peen. I was confused when he said he doesnt go down on girls. Cmon dude, practice on a peach.
i'm pretty sure you can't sue someone for "Taking a shit on my kitchen floor."
I hate csi yet I find myself watching a full marathon. I am also eating hotdog buns stuffed with barbecue chips and they are quite tasty
Left my wallet at the store. Wouldn't have noticed if the joint I just rolled wasn't in it.
No. I'm home alone and 100% dickless. I hate my life.
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