I don't think I can get bothered with getting laid tonight
he kept farting in my kitchen and blaming it on the dog. then we went to wendy's and he spent twenty minutes in the bathroom. im pretty sure he shit his pants.
you should have known when you found out he drove a mini cooper not to hang out with him.
this girl literally referred to her butthole as her "back pussy"
new hobby: convincing random sorority girls around campus that we hooked up last weekend. i'm 2 for 5.
So I came home baked last night and made about 60% of my jeans into jorts...
i will see naked twins by the end of the night. that's all i know
i talked to you about this last night, and you kept saying "he wants yo pusssaayyyyyy"
This is davidson friend mat i an drunk. Thank you for having a physical relationship. With David. I bet he gas a penis the size of an elephant tusk. You are a lucky lady.
I kept reassuring him that I was easy like Sunday morning, not easy like "I've had 6 shots of tequila and haven't had sex in three months"
Ive waited a long time for a girl with prescriptions like yours.
You told me you aren't worried about the police that you've been training for this an that the last three months of your life have been devoted to building up your stun gun tolerance and pepper spray recovery time.
Waiting to interview and found a beer in my purse from last night
Nutrition teacher wants anything i eat or drink documented for the week including dancefestopia. Do you know the recommended daily ammount of psylicybin or MDMA?
Dude mama brought home the bacon, i got his HBO account i guess that makes up for his by par skills in bed.
Soo are you just gonna poop in my bathtub and not talk to me anymore...?
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