wow wtf my bar tab was 80 dollars
IT WAS DOLLAR BEER NIGHT
glow-in-the-dark stars on his ceiling from '98 totally make blowing him more romantic.
Its officially tradition: I black out every year on michael jackson's death day..
he asked me to hangout with him...and his son
I have decided today is drunk costume day. That is, i woke up still drunk and found costumes all over my floor. Heck yes. This is happening. Come over. Drink.
Just think about how many life skills I lack. Cooking... Driving... Sobriety...
Something about a hand job in a car doesn't scream girlfriend
He's so drunk he thinks he's the ultimate warrior. Told cops he was from parts unknown. Never broke character
It would be awesome if I knew whose teeth these were in my pocket
How do you get kicked out of 3 different Subways in one night..
Not very gracefully, that's how.
Remember when I got punched in the face on NYE last year? I don't
He walked upstairs in nothing but his boxers and drunkenly asked my brother for a condom....so much for a good first impression.
Where do you think your fantastically immense lady-boner for men in uniform comes from?
dude pick up your phone
i cant. im high and theres a wild turkey in my backyard. wouldnt miss this moment for anything
Anytime you wish.we are doing double shots in the kitchen,and I drank a beer in the shower,so...the sooner you get here,the sooner you can get on our level.
Randomize
