I was being carried out of the bar, but then my friend saw Pat who just got kicked out scaling the wall to sneak back in, so he carried me back in, sat me on the bar stool, and the bartender just let us all keep drinking.
Being persistent has its perks my friend.
The walk of shame is so much worse when you've spent the night third wheeling.
I don't care if he is my ex... I have the deed to his dick until someone else fucks him. We broke up 2 years ago.... I am still holding that deed!
I sharted during my first quiz and I couldn't leave, I went ahead and took the rest of the day off.
SHE has hooked up with both me and my sister. I don't even know what to say. If she goes for my parents next I may have to kill her
Im debating on how to word my craigslist post so i dont get arrested...
this girl is like a spa retreat for my dick
my tonsil wound opened up during the kegstand but i stopped it with a popsicle
Well, if he didn't want to get caught mid-gay experience by his girlfriend, he shouldn't have pushed so hard to do MDMA with me.
Btw: some husbands are not impressed by me trying to snap photos of their wives camel toe.
Id fuck him but only at his house and he had to stay im bed till i left. He only works upper body. It just creeps me out how tiny his legs are
I have good news and bad news. Bad news, she's not in porn. Good news, I found porn.
You'd love her. She's outspoken like us. And appreciates a big penis and a strong drink.
I just found (and ate) a chunk of a reese's that fell between my boobs. Problem is that I finished those off 3 days ago in a drunk induced sob session... Has it really been that long since I changed my clothes?!
Just saw a hotel with a bunch of mattresses in the parking lot. Made me think of you.
Randomize
