I'm so bummed I missed coconut bowling. It's fucking cold here and no coconuts to be found
duuuude. vodka popsicles DO NOT function.
he just started chanting dark meat! dark meat! out of no where.
TAing a class of 300 froshies and being so hungover I forgot a bra is my way of making dreams come true.
It's taking 3 penises to fill the hole he left in my heart.
Halfway through he got an idea for a short story so he wrote it in magic marker on my boobs. Yeah, he's a keeper.
i woke up in his neighbors pool house. Not sure how I got here but there is people swimming outside. how do I escape?
just fucking run.
I am making dinner in lingerie and heels and there is a 75% chance his roommate is going to walk in on this.
Yup. There he is. This conversation is awkward.
So our annual Dick Trip has been tentatively scheduled for the week of July 1 - 5. This years theme is "Fucking for Freedom".
Just got a ride from a stranger while walking a mile home as it hailed with no coat. He asked me if I smoked, then said he just made some potent cookies and I could have one.
The cookie was what I originally wanted to tell you. Always say yes to drugs from strangers
You kept chewing on the empty milk carton and saying "kitty" over and over again. It was an interesting night.
AND HOLY SHIT FLUBBER IS ON NETFLIX
Hey you're my best friend, I'm sorry I picked my vagina over my heart last night.
I'm disgusted with myself. Who goes down on their Uber driver? This asshole
You’re not his type
I’ve got blonde hair and great tits. I’m every man’s type
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