Its okay if i dont like him.his junk is just too good to resist.model penis,lame guy.
he wouldn't shut up and let me sleep
yeah i got into a fight with my man last night
why can't men just shut up and put out?
You have more facebook pictures than most towns have people.
do you know what's more awkward than a positive pregnancy in a public bathroom?
not a thing
walking in on a stranger's positive pregnancy test in a public bathroom
I wish there was a lawn mower version of Roomba so I could just drink and cheer it on from the stoop.
We did nothing beneficial to ourselves, or our country last night.
NEVERCLEAR, NEVER AGAIN.
Just a heads up, the coffee pot is filled with Jager.
When I get home we should play "let's see how many Christmas movies we can watch before we start having sex."
Smuggling a beer bottle full of vodka out of the bar with a tampon as a plug for the top of the bottle wasn't one of my classiest ideas... but your hangover proves it was resourceful and effective. Your welcome.
He sent me a snap chat of his naked torso with cookies over his nipples. Like.... that does not make me want you homeboy.
If your find a 12 pack on your doorstep consider it a gentleman's agreement to never speak of that night again
I've never had someone so bad at kissing. It was like he was trying to block my airway with his tongue and he succeeded...
We're meant to be. Apparently God wants me to get dicked down pretty good too so I'm not complaining about destiny
I called him my big strong man today. It's all downhill from here. Matching Christmas sweaters, here we come
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