so i asked him why he doesn't wanna see me anymore and he said he was questioning his sexuality. cool.
Should I mail that cop his nightstick or just throw it away?
Just dont tell him. Tell him you colored your vagina for breast cancer awareness month. He will understand.
Just made a list of all the guys I've hooked up with. "Roofie tattoo eyelids", "xanex night guy", "rainy concert", "cory blanket" and "naked hottub guy" made it.
Wtf are freshmen gonna think when the first thing they see in a pale 6'4 white kid with a mustache yelling ya man and we be liming in a Trinidadian accent
I just totok an inventory of my purse: 1 apple, 1 pair of underwear, 7 condoms, $18 in ones, a check with "for sexual healing" in the subject line, and a 4 oz bottle of wine.
Oh! and a letter from a judge saying I got an interview. Cause that balances it out.
It's okay. I've dumbed down my notes over the semester because I knew I wouldn't be up to understanding things come finals.
(This is the second time ive been high enough to decide to run for office)
Iron Man just asked me back to his place... Not sure I can handle this. Wish me luck.
As soon as I got there, you appeared out of no where, yelled "they're giving away free cigarettes!" in my face and then disappeared and I didn't see you the rest of the night.
lesbians are really intense tho, she made me take her eye makeup off and told me she was going to eat me for breakfast
i may or may not have bought a plane ticket for a russian cam girl to fly here. also, can you spot me $300 on rent?
This is like a walk of shame down memory lane.
I always feel bad for the sober driver... Never been me but I feel bad... empathetic AF
so i was about to call you for your birthday but then i started making out with this guy... and i feel bad but i felt like you'd understand
Randomize
