Literally he has the smallest penis I've ever felt since 8th grade.
he stopped making out with me and said "can I make you grilled cheese? I feel like I owe YOU something"
Fuckbuddy couldn't meet, so she's trying to find a substitute to come fuck me. Best. Fuckbuddy. Ever.
RIGHT?!?! I'M ACTUALLY UPSET I DON'T GET TO MAKE THE 2.3 MILE TREK TO SUCK HIS COCK, yes I google earthed it.
why is it ever time u get laid i end up having to clean something twice? you have no idea how hard it is to wash smugged ass cheeks off the counter
there not mine if that helps
It was like stroking your vagina with a cloud.
you came out with your cock in between the legs of a balloon animal. Maybe she'll think you have a sense of humor.
What kind of balloon animal was it?
I can't turn my head to the left, I'm pissing out of my ass, and my finger went through the toilet paper today... I need you.
I'm glad you have such faith in my ability to find the worst situations with my vagina.
Poking every semi-decent guy on Facebook in the hopes that one of them will want to hook up with me tonight. So far all i've accomplished is 5 new poke wars which i will most certainly continue after this weekend.
Making a me burrito to ward off the cold...and the aloneness of my vagina
You can't just say you're dying of terminal cancer everytime they try to card you
Aww his grandma died? That's sad! No mourning sex!!! That doesn't lead to good things!
Dude, A DAMN CHEESEBURGER HIT ME IN THE FACE!!! WTF was i suppoused to do!?.
The people around me on the bus dont know im wearing glowsticks under my clothes. I feel like a super hero.
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