My choices this week make me realize that I need to copyright the term "cock buffet"
Woke up with a full plate of KFC next to my face. I didn't really question it.
I obviously couldn't but this on your fbook wall. I would get judge. I would willingly get tbagged by him. You can quote me on that.
Drunk puking in my bathtub has plugged it up for the third time this year. I hate these calls to my landlord.
I told you in the isle if you get the one that vibrates that I masturbating with it. Your fault.
Bullshit. You owe me a toothbrush.
Pretty good. They took the stitches out but it still hurts like a bitch. The doctor says I should be off crutches by next week.
Well, that's good. Let's hope drunk you doesn't sabotage you.
If you get any calls give me a heads up. Im drinking rum in my underwear on the back porch.
just got permission to expense a nerf gun
She had never heard the term "grundle" before. Classiest girl I've met in months
I gave up great shower sex to be here so don't say I never did anything for our friendship.
Also my roomate used some of my condoms so she gave me her hummus. Great trade
also, I think I lit my hair on fire when I got home..
I'd like to know who hasn't seen my tits tonight.
Tinder has really served to stimulate the number of sex related demons summonings.
Plus he probably didn't want to be at home, alone... Jacking off on the big screen without you there to lend a helping hand. I mean, let's be honest. It's not fun if it's not a little weird.
Randomize
