The midget we rented got so drunk last night he got carted off in an ambulance
It's an Italian thing I guess, grew up on that shit.
I'm Irish, we don't eat cow guts unless they're blended into a fine whiskey
If I saw her on the street and didn't know about the two of them, I would think the only way she'd ever find love was if she somehow found her way to middle earth and an orc took her in
i told him im from Canada, abortion is free
just left the emergency room. condom extraction.
He walked into my room in the middle of the night, whispered something about the patriot act, and took my tv.
Literally I thought my ears were pouring out blood. That high.
Oh my god I just remembered I bit a stripper last night.
thanks for not telling him i named my trumpet after his dick
Listen it's no longer the walk of shame to class when ur leaving the frat house and the brothers ask "when are coming back home"
We cuddled after till the morning. Then he woke up sober... and straight.
I just watched a porn called gay of thrones and I think I've reached a new low in my life
That's not "anything", that's you deep throating a mozzarella stick.
ARE YOU OKAY?
Physically? Yes. Morally? No.
What are you doing tomorrow?
Dude its my bday. Im drinking from sunup til face down. Rinse and repeat.
Randomize
