I just found out I have a small penis.
Couldn't you tell by how you've NEVER had a girlfriend?
Tell your boobs to stop staring at me.
I wish "capable of destroying an innocent girl's life" is something I could put on my resume
Theres also beggin' strips and a dog bone in the corner...nooo signs of there being a dog though.
I can't be held responsible for my own vagina. Let's just be honest here.
When I was in the bathroom and wiped with a paper towel I found in the trashcan, I realized that this might be the reason I have a yeast infection.
After four attempts, his condom would not flush. I had to remove it with salad tongs.
Dude. Cab ride home consisted of me making out with an Asian girl sitting next to my Dad
so exactly what is concert sex etiquette? Before, during or after???
all of the above
I'll be there in spirit. Right there in your vagina.
Wrapped in a blanket, just ate a whole party pizza. All my dreams are coming true and you don't even care.
You want to groom your chest hair? You mean with a little baby chest hair brush? Because that sounds adorable.
I can't believe I forgot to wish you a happy 13 week-iversary of the time you raw-dogged a rando. Only two days late, so it still counts. And since your 14 weeks is coming up, you should know that at 14 weeks your baby can squint, frown, grimace, pee, and possibly suck his/her/their/zir thumb!
The only times we have to apologize in this friendship is when you intentionally punch me and that's only happened once so it's okay
I looked like a tiger in heat. He didn't know if I wanted to fuck him or eat him.
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