Fuck the gym. I just shaved m'cooch and my pants now fit looser.... Dont judge me.
I'm mentally preparing my vagina for this semester. It's fucking welcome week. I'm going to be talking to her all night.
I think i can hear god laughing at me and yelling "thou shall pay for thy habits of underage drinking" through a megaphone directly at my eardrums
I had him autograph the condom wrapper.
you should have seen it. it was just a bunch of guys in togas chanting the username and password to a brazzers account we all share. best thing that has happened to our group
I just used my AAA membership to fix a strippers flat tire in return for a lapdance...does that make me a bad person?
Please tell me you werent the one who replaced every beer bottle in my fridge with a picture of a baby kitten.
... and if i was..
Fuck. You.
Well I woke up at my house so that's a plus. But I'm pretty sure I peed on my sofa because I woke up in the pee position.
he had shaved armpits. I repeat: HE SHAVED. HIS. ARMPITS! First hookup of 2014 and it's with a weirdo. Alcohol:1 Me:0
That moment when you're in a room with 3 guys and know how big their dicks are. Then you are married to the one with the smallest dick.
While I'm here in reality dreaming of catching chili cheese fries with my mouth out of t shirt guns like Jesus is real
How do you nicely stand up a date that you're skipping for a 3sum
I dont even remember what i was saying but just one minute i was crying and the next i was showing u my genitals
We told the cop that we were playing soccer, in flip flops, and 2:30 in the morning. It was raining and i had board shorts on. He bought it, lets go get drunk
i just really want to fuck a guy wearing lederhosen
it'll be sexier than it sounds, i promise
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