They're giving me a hotel, and this chick doesn't have a place to stay for the night... I swear this is how real life Porno starts.
I'd suck anything for a pizza right now
It's official. I now have that "I was drunk and needed the money" college story to share later in life.
And here i was gonna offer you a complimentary blowjob.
I dont have any paper so I'm writing class notes on my first response direction pregnancy paper. Judging eyes are all around.
They called it unicorn pee, and i thought that was interesting so i drank it. Please don't let me drink strangers booze again.
I'm the fucking queen of sexting. I just made a blowjob sound so poetic I'm wishing I were a guy just so I could blow me. Learn from me.
Sorry, I was unaware dragging you upstairs for sex was such an awful thing.
Downloaded the Pocket Penguin app. There are now penguins living in my phone. Technology is wonderful.
I have a tab of a google image search of onion rings open and it is making me so happy.
I successfully navigated a full, lengthy interaction with my dad in which he never asked me if I was freshly baked. 10 points.
He and his ex stood there talking about going to get Chinese food while I was half naked searching for my panties
You had sex with a kid to spare him the shame of being a virgin. Evidence is on my side.
it's your last night here, let's make it one we may or may not remember.
Fuck you, i'm all jacked up on bananas lets go somewhere
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