dude. late night with jimmy fallon isnt even funny. the people in the audience there to see him dont even think hes funny.
kinda like you and your friends.
So random guy from last night came over tonight. I told myself I wasn't going to sleep with him but he had some killer dirty talk and a big penis in his arsenal...what was I supposed to do? Supposedly he lost his virginity to his wife and since their divorce a year ago I'm the 1st girl he's slept with, I feel like I just re-took his virginity...I feel like a rockstar.
She was adopted and used to dance at Sapphire. just my speed.
You totally drew a penis wizard on my closet that says "I travel for cock rock"
There are 3 guys sitting in the elevator in lawn chairs wearing sunglasses and holding beers. the hallway rugs are stuffed in a trash can. i've never been so glad to be sober.
There're making snowcones with the leftover vodka from last night. This is not the time to be making up excuses!
There comes a time where you just have to sit back and watch the drunken idiots pee on each other
can anyone on this campus do anything sober?
She said she had a surprise for me and sent me a video of her having sex with some fat dude. It was a mood killer
We're going to brunch on Super Bowl Sunday. I am not a smart man.
You stopped loving me for a minute.
You sent me "Is nap," I don't think that really counts as a conversation starter.
pesky things like morals, self-preservation and cowardice are not needed. overkill is nothing but a word. there will be blood.
It just makes sense. It's like I end a relationship, and wash myself of sin... with tequila.
i just went to hell in the tanning bed. i think god is giving me a preview of what is in store if i keep getting drunk everyday.
Is it acceptable to respond to a declaration of love with 'and I love your dick'? Asking for a friend who shares a name and possibly a phone number with me. Entirely coincidental.
Randomize
