I didn't slap you in the face. TEQUILA slapped you with my hand...
My little brother has some high school girls in my pool, it's like a jailbait buffet in my backyard
It's like she bought one bad life decision and got one free
Why does Corona taste like a burp?
which bright sisters idea was it to put semi-formal in the middle of no-shave november?
were doing shots for every snowflake that hits the ground
Mom's drinking. Just asked her if she was good to walk back to the condo. She seemed unsure until she remembered she brought the GPS. We are 2 blocks from the condo.
it was a 10 min screaming orgasm. i don't care that you were next door and didn't appreciate all the noise.
Wedding cake is always the best dance partner. In the corner. With a jack and coke. And while I'm crying. Listening to "Almost Paradise".
I make your heart skip a beat like that pivotal moment when you open a public toilet lid
Such a good question, let's ask the alcohol gods for the answer.
She thinks Jesus was an astronaut.
We are 100% horrible people, and im extremely happy we are friends
Yeah except my drinking partners aka my parents went to sleep Cuz ya know, they're old.
I don't remember that much at all. But I guess I met this guy from New Zealand and his dog, and then I punched someone in the face.
Randomize
