Ppl just aren't as funny as we are
The cops found weed in michael jacksons house today...it makes up for the child molesting, I like him more now.
tonight, alcohol would be proud of us
so she finally agreed to being friends with benefits. not only did I take her virginity, when I woke up, she brought me French toast made with homemade bread in bed.
I worship thee.
they described our state of being as looking similar to a crime scene....you were on the ground and i was running around screaming.
No its cool, because I bought a handle of tequila earlier, in case things went south
Passed out on her toilet. Dog licked my face to wake me. Awkward talk with her boyfriend, who hadn't been home last night. Not sure exactly what town I'm in, but I'm south. Will call for ride when I figure it out.
I have the money I owe you for auctioning off your black thongs. Best 30 bucks ever spent
I have now added draft and wells specials that different bars have to my blackberry calendar.. Help me.
One failed naked backward somersault off the bed and I realize - I either need to drink less or workout more. Perhaps both.
The only thing left on my Bucket List is getting fingered at an aquarium.
I don't have any plans for New Year's except watching anime and drinking until I can't read the subtitles anymore.
It's official: I now only own one pair of jeans that I haven't blown the crotch out of. It might be time to put a stop to red wine Wednesdays.
You mean, in addition to red wine every-fucking-days?
it was awkward when he was taking off my clothes and i had to help him undo my fanny pack
If I shall die, I wish to bequeath to you my personal library, my sigma tau delta presidency and all it's apparel, and a puppy.
Randomize
