That's the last time I fill my pockets with sushi.
I feel like a combination of david goes to the dentist and drunkest guy ever goes for more beer
Took his v-card last night. Yet another experience I didn't expect to have in my thirties.
does pizza still have the 5 second rule in the bubble bath?
You act as if I'm the first person to pee in the Taco Bell drive thru at 2 AM, I'm sure a lot worse things have happen in that drive thru than my urine.
In the UK. Bar special, every drink costs a pound. I'm two shots away from being deported. God save the queen.
I need to make a new year's resolution to only pee in toilets. And it needs to start happening before the new year.
It started as ''I want a romantic life right now'' text. It ended with pool table sex.
Im about to smoke a huge bowl. My penis is so happy. Who needs girls.
I have major gossip for you.
Oh no, did you have sex last night?
If I had sex last night I'd probably post it on facebook. It's been that long and I'd be that excited.
How have I seen you throw up on yourself 3 different times, yet we weren't Facebook friends until I accidentally hooked up with your ex?
He finally delivered on the dick pic, and Jesus Christ, it was worth the wait.
Why does fireball set life on fire? Your insides, your head, your behavior...
either he just commented on my nose ring or he's offering me cocaine, I honestly can't tell
yo dude not sure how this happened but im drunk at your house eating burritos with your mom and sister. hope you're having fun in new zealand
Randomize
