Was going to watch Bolt. Fucked a stranger instead. Details later.
So you didn't like Bolt?
planned parenthood is perfect for picking up chicks...they all put out
just wanted to thank u for shitting in my dads bidet last night. i had to manually scoop ur shit out of it. btw ur dumped.
i was concerned for your health after you took your "last shot" four times...
I'm just trying to jam my tits into some coconuts and I'll be on my way
i woke up completely naked except for a bottle of beer saran wrapped in between my boobs
The last thing I remember is feeding country fried steak to my best friend in a bubble bath with my bare hands.
Funny how the post-sex UTI lasted longer than the entire relationship.
Yeah the last text says "How many your ass,,,,, prepare it" so take that for what it is
Is her dick bigger than yours?
I know it's wrong but I'm human. Now get over here, tie me up, feed me pizza and Fuck the crazy out of me. Please.
Speaking of which.. there's underwear in my backseat and Arby's cheese sauce on my door handle. So much for my new Volvo bringing out my classy side.
Dont worry, the Canadians are more afraid of you then you are of them.
Responsible things to do when you're too hungover to get out of bed: Breast self exam.
I wasn’t trying to be creepy it just happened
I’m beginning to think that’s your defining personality trait.
Randomize
