No one appreciates an amoeba in a balloon hat.
so i woke up.. still drunk and discovered my roommate in the living room passed out dick-in-hand watching porn..
What did u do?
turned the porn up and opened the windows so everybody goin to class could see him..
She was so adorably desperate I didn't have the heart to tell her I wasn't a lesbian. So now She's making waffles, may switch teams over this.
You said your dick dragged you up the stairs
We're learning about the color wheel. Hello college.
So I drew a giant robot attacking a city on the chem test. My TA colored in the fire on the burning building
My contribution to the dinner party was a bottle of vodka and a bag of uncooked potatoes. I felt like a Russian serf.
Cant wait to drunkenly tell by kids that i banged their aunt katie in a weird threesome
These days, you and me are swimming in dicks.
Marco
Polo
I did not get laid last night bc my condoms were too small. I'm allowed to be dreary
Next time, please cut me off before I'm at the point of pooping in the bathtub again
I need a good cry or an orgasm and neither of them are gonna happen to me and i'm so frustrated
I texted him a series of texts in which the first letters of each text spelled out "WE SHOULD HAVE SEX". If that's not dedication to the dick, I don't know what is
I don't care what the Chinese zodiac calendar says . . . 2015 is the year of the cock!
i don't like interrupting booty calls. thats just rude.
Randomize
