Nice meating you last night
Not a typo
He told me he had an exgf. and didnt follow up with"and now i like guys."
Change your flight to Denver. That's where my penis is.
I was blowdrying my hair this morning and I swear to god it smelled like franzia
I'm drinking and throwing an enormous tennis ball at children. I couldn't be happier.
did you really just send me an instagramed dick pic?
No. I heard a cover of "my heart will go on". This is not sanity.
Is valentines day the worst or best day to ask for a threesome? I'm weighing some options on this high-risk manoeuvre.
Last night someone asked you what your favorite color was and you said "bagel."
Tackling and headbutting friends, running away and hiding from everyone, attempting to streak across campus, and then waking up with no sign of a hangover... happy 21 to me
But how MUCH of an emergency? Like, should I go to the ER now, or can it wait until after the bar crawl?
Also, let me tell you how embarrassing it is to match with someone who seemingly has their shit together at 4:45AM on a Thursday.
Homeboy just asked me to strip for him. He should not be this horny and allowed to be in Vegas with his kid.
You whispered 'For Frodo', handed me your shirt, and charged campus security.
Birthday wine tasting got super shambly super quickly. I am covered in cuts/bruises/terrible life decisions.
Randomize