new low: just stole a ciggarette from a bum sleeping on the side of the street.
ohh what kind?
I miss having pregnancy scares ....at least i knew i was having a good time
Do you know a sam ****, im at the bar right now and lookin for some dirt on her to guilt trip her in to sex
Taking the airport shuttle drunk should not happen this often in my life.
Look on the bright side, you can mark 'beastiality' off your bucket list
I like how you try to look sexy and just end up looking like a weird boy.
I just took my friends on a tour of all the places I've had sex in my house. I dont know if that's more slutty, or the fact that it took 2 hours to complete..
Did you really end last night's sexting with "Stay thirsty my friend"?
I can't believe i facilitated a beer for sweater vest deal last night...
Are you feeling okay?
Right now, not a single thing feels even slightly okay. That hungover.
I love that there are toys on the counter. Coffee, tea, wine bottles, gag ball, and handcuffs.
My kitchen gets me.
Don't be offended, the only thing I'm attracted to right now is snack cakes and chicken wings.
Your first mistake was thinking that you could get through the day without drinking a single bottle of alcohol. Your second mistake was wearing shark boxers.
It's so weird fucking this kids aunt then going to the gym with him everyday, but my sick minded self loves it.
I got kicked out of the E.R. for saying "balls".
Randomize
