All she gave me for breakfast was raw toast. How can she expect me to eat raw toast?
You mean bread?
I woke up with a flask of whiskey and a mason jar full of sausage in my tux jacket. south georgia is where i belong
What I thought it would be sexy pouring melted chocolate down here chest, ended up in second degree burns. Hot food and sex do not mix.
He's really hot. I think he's gonna be my reason to shave this winter.
Just heard Miley Cyrus' version of "Every Rose Has Its Thorn". Fuck everything. If you don't have an std you have no right to remake this song
in my lab write-up should i mention that i watered my plant with tequila?
Dude found out there's an open bar at the celebration of life thing for my grandma which is at noon. Now I know why I can drink so much
We did it in the bathroom in Taco Bell. We didn't buy anything before we left, which I thought was rude.
Until this weekend, a man hadn't made me orgasm since the night Obama was elected. Now THAT is change I can believe in.
seriously though if NH has the largest penis size... the rest of America must be very disappointed.
I'd do them all but honestly I'm so high that I probably should have a chaperone.
Just give me 5 advils and some sunglasses and I'll knock out on this couch no problem.
Yeaaaaa...im super disgusted with myself lol...which is interesting, considering all of the things I have done in my life...
You're like a care bear with a big cock & a sexual prowess that would put the mighty Thor to shame.
that blonde bartender and I racked up an impressive mini bar bill last night
Mini bar? Did you get a hotel room?
Yeah, the last thing I need right now is a chick with an insane clown posse tattoo knowing where I live
That’s legit
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