I murdered the dance floor call the cops
So my ex just cheated on her current bf w/me and now there's a car coming to take me to Vegas... Is this really my Thursday night?
I hate you.
Do you think that we can get a group discount on liver transplants? We'll be like kids again!
Remember the 3 things that are off limits? They're fair game if you get here in the next 5 minutes
okay i am so sorry that i pulled a knife on you last night but seriously that woman knows how to throw a party.
You and your vagina are hellbent on selfdestruction and bad decisions
Dude...can we put that on a tshirt? I will totally sport that shit.
i have a raging boner for Saturday, day drinking is one of my top favorite things right next to alligator wrestling and blowing shit up
I'm right down the road from AJ's old house and I'm getting mixed feelings. My vagina is remembering good dick. But the rest of me is remembering horrible times.
Just please try not to piss Danny off, I really can't afford to find a new drug dealer again
Your cousin just directly asked you for nudes
I tried to help you up but you said "let me dance it off"
why the fuck is there hamburger meat in the toaster. i repeat: WHY THE FUCK IS THERE HAMBURGER MEAT IN MY NEW TOASTER
You ate ashes out of my bong
I'M HANGING OUT WITH THE DRUG DEALER UPSTAIRS JUST SO I CAN STEAL HIS WIFI PASSWORD, I HOPE Y'ALL LOVE ME.
QUICK FAX ME THE BALL
Not how faxing works at all btw
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