And then I said "flip over. I want to show you something i learned in Afghanistan."
The world would be so much better with thought bubbles.
did i have both of my shoes on when the bouncer threw us out last night?
I asked my mom if I was the drunkest one in the room. With 8 days till I go back to school, I couldn't care less about being shitfaced at a baptism
Do you think royal wedding drunk calls for wine or tequila?
my dad just told me he found me on the kitchen floor saturday morning with a microwave dinner on top of me, fork still in hand. priceless
My grandmother cheats at beer pong and has been rubbing her tainted victory in my face for an hour now.
And that's why we do second round interviews for possible roommates.
When you're looking for your panties tomorrow, you traded them for a blunt on the train.
I just bottomed with the last unicorn playing in the background. I've hit a new level of gay.
Should I be flattered that she mumbled "You're the king of my face" before passing out?
Ok, maybe playing "whose family is most dysfunctional" wasn't the best drunk idea we've had. Todd''s been crying in the bathroom for an hour. We can't get him out...
We watched X-Files, ate pizza, and he played with my butt. It was a pretty standard Monday.
in fetal position in his closet not sure if he knows im here... hugging his spongebob cake pan i stole.... now please come find me..
Don't send me pics of cunning dicks while I'm eating potato chips
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