my mom just told me how she used to love having sex while stoned. wtf.
someone owes me an orgasm
its like think what a normal person would think but completely the opposite.
i just got the best bj of my life in the pastors office at church.. Youre right jesus really does love me.
They thought I was the paid stripper pretty much, and a lady tried to set me up with her nephew and then wanted to get my number for lesbian daughter... A typical night for me
"Whiskey Cheerios" was a terribly great idea.
The stripper had a daughter my age and offered to introduce us. I didn't know what to say to that.
WHAT DID YOU SAW VERBATIM. VERBATIM IS SOBER FOR WORD FOR WORD
Chipotle. Because when you've had diarrhea for 6 days why not just make it 7
I am going to tweet NASA until they put me into space
Those rocketship riding assholes need the common man
Like, I can't stand that bitch, but i genuinely hope she gets the help she needs
No, and she still hasn't answered me...I get a whole series of text messages about Guatemalan anal bleaching but no fucking answer to my question.
It was a tough decision either lay in bed or go to work and lay in the stockroom
just realized we fucked to the ultimate disney playlist last night. hakuna matata.
Not to be hella graphic on main but I just came so hard I think I saw a new color.
Randomize
