I just followed up on a noise complaint...only to find 2 girls in bikinis covered in jello with beer cans everywhere. I couldn't bring myself to bust that party.
I want to be a cop.
found a naked boy completely buried under a pile of her clothes and terrified...she says she was "saving him for later"
According to the stories I've heard I decided I was a stuntman after my 6th shot of Jack
Just found bacon bits in my pocket. Blackout buffet is the best.
I don't like getting sloppy drunk but I don't like getting just half drunk either, I'm way too responsible if my blood alcohol level is below 0.2
its one thing to be single and another thing to be single and then have your profile picture be of you and the cat
your picture is with misty too!!
I AM SINGLE BY CHOICE
he's like watermelon oreos; I know they're gross and weird and I shouldn't like them, but I can't stop eating them because they're there.
They got mad when I cut the pizza with an x-acto knife. Oh well, more for me then.
Dude, I can't even reach my asshole to wipe it. I have a lot more to be thankful for this Thanksgiving.
I can't help you there
think before you get married my friend it's my birthday and just got done jacking off
11:30 and people are pissing in the sink. It's gonna be a good night.
I just read my D.A.R.E. essay from 5th grade. I'm having mixed feelings about my previous life choices right now.
we went outside for a smoke and when we came back in you were ptfo on the floor holding the phone to your ear. Pizza pizza was on the line.
It's sunday night and I just went to the store to buy cookie dough and condoms, I'm so proud of myself.
Go ahead without me. This chick is buying me drinks and just found out her husband is cheating on her. I think I just found the next level of revenge fucking: Scorned Trophy Wife Sex
Randomize
