Operation extremely regretful is in full effect
you should probably quit with the whole "no homo" thing, especially when you are drunk, "mo homo"gives the wrong impression.
you kept searching pizza on facebook and becoming a fan of each page dedicated to it
Don't worry we didnt bang. Sometimes I just bring guys home so I don't order pizza.
I'd say this is worse than that time when I realized that my favorite bath toy growing up was my Mom's douche bottle.
My dad is so drunk he attempted to ride my two year old cousin's tricycle. For a solid five minutes.
I'm never drinking again. I saw way more penises than I ever cared to see last night. And I've decided that I'm going to live in Scotland.
I need an explanation for both of these epiphanies.
You couldn't remember her number so you tried to dial her name into your phone. Once you realized you didn't know her name, you dialed 7 random numbers
I need to stop acting like a drunk bitch. People are going to get the right idea about me...
"Masturbate" is an actual item on an actual ToDo list of mine. It is at the top.
It was like, once I started flashing you, I couldn't stop.
Will keep you updated on the sexual orientation of my new guy
Just because I stayed up all night betting on Australian Horse Racing doesn't mean I have a gambling program.
You know it's NBA season when you compare head to 3 pointers.
According to the rule of quantum porn mechanics, the mere thought of something kinky causes it to exist. So out there, somewhere, there is already riddler/smurf porn...
Randomize
