I just want you to know that me val and amanda are drinking on top of a hill lookig at the chicago skyline drinking icehouse and we just peed in public.
I walked downstairs and there were 50 sorority girls. I wasn't expecting an audience during my walk of shame.
Drinking wine out of an empty soup can and watching spongebob squarepants.. I eveb hate myself
I researched the whole pregnancy breast feeding with piercings. I think you dont have to worry about the trifecta milk spraying thing.
you kept telling us that in dog beers you only had one
Gravity stopped and i'm discussing Greek philosophy with two guys I don't know. There's someone asleep on me. We need to use their dealer.
laying on floor next to bathroom with vent on to give myself comfort and remind me that im not going deaf. what did i smoke?
I'm thinking about wearing a strap-on just to freak him out the next time he pulls my pants off.
Do you know how to get blood out of tile grout?
Can finally say I won't be lonely this Valentine's day! Mother nature decided to drop by.
This is gonna be the kind of weekend where if it involves putting on pants, it ain't happening.
You squatted and peed on the living room floor while maintaining eye contact with Sebastian
Can I just buy you sex toys as a wedding gift? Bc I’m here for that and you
They left me at home... I'm a liability
You were sober bartending last night right?
Sorta. I remember you crying, ripping rose petals off the flower stem and slowly sprinkling them behind the bar at me and singing softly
Romantic
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