i just want his dick, seriously i'm about to take trifiling lessons. we'll call my alter-ego blair and she will screw his brains out, girlfriend or not.
That was the first time I have seen a confused expression with a dick in the mouth
proof that my night is going well: I can still open doors
Seriously! We need to take her a thank you note or something. She puts up with the drugs and the extremely loud sex. She deserves a thank you card.
I swear to all that is holy, next time you get my mom high with your "special bake sale" I am going to put your dick in the blender.
I should be a dude... Walking a goat on a rope is a total chick magnet.
I can't wait till they start promoting the testiciplasty. Turn those old prunes into fresh tight kiwis!
Also I want everyone to be drunk at my funeral. Instead of wearing black just blackout. That way everyone can celebrate how fun I was
some dude just accurately guessed my height and bra size.. that is cup AND inches around. creepy, yet impressive
You just want to live out all your fuck fantasies with all these girls through me. I know your game. Well played sir.
Woke up with an e-cig stuck in my asshole. Explain.
if I dont text you back in 10min assume i am in fact still dizzy and injured myself in the shower. and call an ambulance. thanx.
somehow I wound up on the floor crying about his beard. then telling everyone I'd give him a "lesbian blowjob".
If you find out what that means, show me.
and then the sword just ended up between my legs
She asked me if I could do that to her every single time. I said nope. sometimes it's better.
Randomize
