The nurse told me they're using the same medicine that killed michael jackson.
just saw a midget ride a motorized cooler into the liquor store. i'm gonna follow him home.
there is mayo everywhere what the fuckkkk
This is the guy who showed up to the first day of class with a 24 pack of coke and a handle of rum in his backpack. He doesnt play by normal people rules.
The fact that he just came out makes his Lent commitment to give up gay sex so much more meaningful now.
I'm seeing how long I can hold this wine in my mouth. I have so many adventures! I'm like Teddy Ruxpin!
Straight up asked lady in a lime green jumpsuit how to make your ass clap. That thing wiggled more beautifully than ocean waves at sunset
I guess my vagina missed him because it called and left a 5 min. message. Color me impressed
There was a point where you were singing "Friends in Low Places" to yourself while Juicy J was playing so I got worried.
I am at a new level of appreciation for drunk-you, who threw up into her own sweatshirt pocket last night in the car. Brava.
If that guy asks u bout me, I said my name is Jenelle, from CT, I'm a cat behiavor consultant and I'm 29. Back my story up
You chose shitty college football over this pussy and my cute little mouth. That's your fault.
Also I literally googled "how to fold socks" so that's how my day is going. How's yours?
Jus pulled over and stole. Corn out of a. Field. ... get on my level
You are currently doing Harry Potter spells with the turkey-baster...
Randomize
