you could never motorboat her...you'd have to motor-titanic her
Im not moving so it's going to have to be a 3 some.
Pushiiing vjews 4 ma daz caik
Lyk hr kuds 4
i am going to show so many millionaires my nipple
You can't tell me you've honestly NEVER considered smoking a Froot Loop
I just realized, I'm going to be on my period for the end of the world. FUCK.
I am a woman. I need to be selective about the porn I stream on my phone. Who knows if my cell will ever get lost, who will see it and what they'd think otherwise. Keepin' it classy tampa.
If you've never been partying there before, take Shae with you. Drunk Shae is like a GPS. She found us the only bottle shop still open at four, a pot dealer, and told us all which subway to take to get home. She'd never been to Madrid before. It was awesome.
No he's great. He's trying to do "sexy stuff" for me now, which is pretty hilarious. He stirred my daiquiri with his penis last night. He also tied a bouquet of flowers around it.
That's like doing a cinnamon challenge in my vag - but more painful.
He was so high he started playing Twister on the striped rug. Then when we missed midnight he went on a screaming rampage about his New Year's Eve being meaningless. How do you think it went?
It's astonishing how many Ludacris lyrics you know
Never in a million years thought I would have to put jello shot recipe/equation into an excel spreadsheet
He wrote his entire dissertation last night. I can only imagine the frightening amount of headway he would make if he ever did things sober.
She then told me, and I quote "I want to send you nudes just to see how you'd react."
Randomize
