Dude, way to rack up $80 in pornos in the hotel room last night, and not tell me before I got blindsided at check out.
Heh. Guess I ordered some porno last night. Heh.
Googled "can you put dry ice in your drink?" I'm safee
If i die in the snow, get to my laptop and delete all of the nickelback. password is "barry"
as in "white"?
he's only going to be home for two days, his dick is going to be in me for the whole 48 hours, he doesnt have a choice.
I had a guy present me his prison release form this morning as id
i draw the line when you ask for directions at a place you're already at.
Fyi: beer caps are stronger then bathroom counters
Ok. I am hammered I will admit it but my legacy needs to live and your the only woman that could spawn satan. We need to talk.
My roommates just built a mini golf course upstairs while I was sleeping.
Somehow ended up home, probably had something to do with the makeshift ladder from my second story window. Now headed to church, still drunk, and still fighting back the vomit of a thousand different alcohols. Successful night.
They are stoned and trying to learn sign language together. It's like watching a chimp waving at itself in a mirror.
We trekked into the state forest, laid the comforter down and he proceeded to tell me that we could stay here and stargaze, turned me around and fucked me like the lion king.
I AM BEING ACCOSTED BY A HUMMING BIRD
I AM IN MILD DISTRESS
Mike fell asleep with his hand down my pants. I'm clearly an enticing person.
Apparently I handcuffed myself to the dishwasher...
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