I like to think it a success when the cops are called
I hate it when I can only see straight when I close one eye. I feel like that deserts the purpose of seeing with two eyes
We were making out in the bushes when some dude comes and starts peeing beside us.
He got so drunk that he tried hitting on a girl using nothing but his Samuel L. Jackson soundboard application on his Iphone
You actually went to class. Im eating dry cereal naked and watching bring it on.
As she was leaving she said "You have an awesome penis, I hope to use it again soon" I need that on a business card to hand out at the bar
I woke up with a piece of pizza duct taped too my hand and a paragraph written on my chest. Good night is say
So topless strobe light beer pong turned into me rugby tackling a bitch to the ground.my tits will never forgive me for sacrificing their majesticness for responsibility
no, she just came home, mumbled about being a gerbil out of water then ate half cooked chicken nuggets.. normal night
today i was walking through gramercy with a dress bag from David's Bridal and a bag of McDonald's. No guy would make eye contact with me as I scarfed down my fries. I think I was mankind's walking night terror.
You're about to makeout with my vagina, I don't think she cares that you haven't brushed your teeth. Just get over here!
At least I made out with him before he made out with that dog...
He is getting married. In the time it took for this conversation he probably cheated on her three times
I'm sitting on the toilet eating a taco... I feel like a female Elvis.
I I was gonna wake him up with a blow job but I don't know how he would feel about it.
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