i havent thrown up in four monthes, im clearly not drinking enough
you just kept swimming in circles and whenever someone would try and coax you out you would scream "i CANNOT drown, my brother is the supervisor of a water park!!
Do they take checks?
Did you really just ask me if you could write a check for a DRUG DEAL?
"Students using Axe body spray to light selves on fire" is a real headline from a real newspaper. WHY AREN'T WE DOING THIS RIGHT NOW?
Then he took his girlfriend's fuzzy handcuffs and locked me to their bed. Key is in an unknown location. He's surprisingly idiotic, for being premed.
I want something that's relevant to him banging her right after I did. Like "runner-up"
i found two dead squirrels on my front step this morning.. do you think they have something to do with my missing phone?
dude, I'm passing out in the fifth floor janitors closet. Let me know when the rooms opened back up
Where are you? This girl fell on a baby. She is just gone. Please Hurry
I'm hurrying
Dude. She just shit herself.
If you value my life, if you value your own, please look for that godforsaken cookie. Please.
Moral of the story: If you're gonna throw a glass of wine in a guy's face, don't do it in your own kitchen.
I do wanna see you. And we can just lay here and watch a movie and listen to me cry.
He was kissing me at red light while his penis was in an aluminum beer bottle peeing..
It's days like today that make me happy I'm not a porn star.
Just because you haven’t had your UTI yet doesn’t mean you have a right to talk like Yoda
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